Month: February 2026

Demand cheddar benefits According to reports, New York City’s subway rats have officially unionized, demanding cheddar-based benefits, hazard pay for track

Escalate faster According to reports, Queens residents have officially petitioned the city for moving sidewalks, arguing it would cut commutes and

Spread the love According to reports, bagel shops across the city have launched a loyalty program where customers get free bagels

Everything That Happens in Every Star Trek Episode Ever Where No Plot Has Gone Before, But Always Ends Up Again “Captain Kirk

Spin and stay According to reports, Coney Island’s iconic Ferris wheel has been converted into a 24-room Airbnb. Guests can now

City’s true art According to reports, the Brooklyn Museum has unveiled its most relatable exhibit yet: a collection of lost umbrellas

26.2 slices According to reports, organizers have officially replaced the NYC Marathon with a "26.2 slice pizza crawl." Runners now carbo-load

Fowl balls guaranteed According to reports, Yankee Stadium has announced a bizarre new promotion: "Bring Your Own Pigeon Nights." Fans are

U.S. President Donald Trump said he wouldn’t deport Prince Harry, while insulting the prince’s wife, Meghan Markle, in the same

Skyscraper splash According to reports, the Empire State Building has unveiled the world’s tallest water slide, spiraling from the 86th-floor observatory

Yellow cab chuckles According to reports, NYC taxi drivers are now required to perform stand-up comedy during rides. The Taxi &

Pay per pose According to reports, the city will now charge tourists $5 every time they take a selfie on the

Trump Proposes a Beachfront Solution for Gaza: Peace or Punchline? In his latest foray into international diplomacy, former President Donald Trump

Guaranteed faster than Seamless According to reports, New York City rats have launched their own food delivery app, promising "cheaper, faster,

Freedom on tap According to reports, the Statue of Liberty has opened a rooftop bar in her crown, offering cocktails like

Demand better bagel crumbs According to reports, New York City pigeons have unionized, demanding higher-quality crumbs and hazard pay for dodging

Meta Ends Fact-Checking Program, Declares ‘Let the Lies Fly Free!’ By Lola Flake, Reporter for Wild Wires Weekly Meta, the tech behemoth

Fitness meets laziness According to reports, Central Park has launched a controversial program replacing joggers with state-issued Segways. The Parks Department

Relax while delayed According to reports, the MTA has unveiled "massage cars" designed to keep riders calm during endless delays. For

Sing or get fined According to reports, Times Square has passed a new ordinance requiring all pedestrians to sing while crossing.

Snooze and applause According to reports, Broadway has unveiled a new genre: "nap musicals," where audiences are encouraged to sleep through

In a bold move that had historians, geographers, and at least three dolphins scratching their heads, former President Donald J.

Sky-high omelets According to reports, New York City has approved a new sustainability initiative requiring apartment buildings to house rooftop chickens

One wheel, zero shame According to reports, Brooklyn’s newest eco-trend has residents ditching cars, bikes, and even scooters in favor of

Vanity has a price According to reports, NYC has started charging tourists and influencers $5 every time they snap a selfie

Hackers Strike Where Nobody Expected—A Website Stoners Barely Remember Using Millions of Snacks at Risk as Paranoid Potheads Panic Over Data

Affordable death housing According to reports, New York has introduced "rent-controlled coffins" as the newest form of affordable housing. With studio

Minimalism hits maximum According to reports, a new SoHo gallery has unveiled its latest installation: absolutely nothing. Visitors enter a pristine

Gourmet vermin trend According to reports, several trendy NYC restaurants are now serving subway rat-inspired tasting menus. Before you gag, chefs

The Government Will Have No Idea How to Regulate This The government is still confused about weed. Imagine them trying to

The Irony of Boundaries: Why Activists Reject Criticism But Demand Protection The Contradiction Between Rhetoric and Practice Perhaps the most revealing aspect

Tears with your thrills According to reports, Coney Island has introduced the world’s first "emotional roller coaster," where instead of physical