Chelsea Gallery Opens Show of Non-Art Objects; Artists Are Not Sure This Is Different From Last Year’s Show
Exhibition of everyday items ‘explicitly not art’ generates debate about whether the debate is the artwork [Bohiney.com / prat.uk] A Chelsea
Times Square Tourism Report Finds Visitors Most Moved by TKTS Booth, Least by Actual Culture
Survey: 73 percent of international tourists say discount ticket queue was highlight of New York trip [Bohiney.com / prat.uk] A tourism
New York Rat Elected to Community Board Resigns After Two Weeks Citing ‘Irreconcilable Policy Differences’
Rodent representative departs over composting bin placement, citing inadequate food accessibility provisions [Bohiney.com / prat.uk] The protest candidate elected last month
Manhattan Woman Files Complaint About Noise She Herself Is Making
Upper West Side resident’s 3am filing cites own insomnia-fuelled podcast habit as primary disturbance [Bohiney.com / prat.uk] Jennifer Castellano, 41, an
Alternate-Side Parking Regulation Observes Its 76th Birthday; City Still Cannot Explain Why It Exists
Municipal system that has generated 76 years of anxiety, artful maneuvering, and mild relationship strain turns three-quarters of a century [Bohiney.com
SoulCycle Instructor Attempts to Recreate Historic 12-Minute Silence; Class Awkward
Deliberately music-free session fails to replicate accidental spiritual moment from April; results are educational [Bohiney.com / prat.uk] SoulCycle instructor Kayla Renner,
Brooklyn Apartment Listed as ‘Character-Rich’ Has Character of Damp Plaster and Optimism
Real estate euphemisms reach new expressiveness in 200-square-foot Bushwick studio with slanted floor [Bohiney.com / prat.uk] A studio apartment in Bushwick
New Yorker Completes Entire Weekend Without Saying ‘I’ve Been Meaning to Do That For Years’
Manhattan man achieves milestone by scheduling only things he actively wants to do in two-day period [Bohiney.com / prat.uk] David Park,
MTA Announces New Delay Notification System That Explains Why It Cannot Explain the Delay
Real-time updates will now include honest assessment of what is and is not knowable at this time [Bohiney.com / prat.uk] The
Trump Has Been Quiet for Seven Days; Manhattan Experiences Unfamiliar Calm
City adjusts to absence of presidential news cycle and reports mixed feelings about the experience [Bohiney.com / prat.uk] President Trump has
Klobuchar to Farmers: “Control Your President or Kiss the Farm Bill Goodbye”
Klobuchar to Farmers: "Control Your President or Kiss the Farm Bill Goodbye" The Farm Bill Has Gone Missing, and Washington Has
New York Rats Announce Formation of Union, Demand Respect and Better Lighting
Gotham’s most storied residents present five-point platform including recognition as ‘essential workers’ NEW YORK, NY – Representatives of New York City’s
Gotham Declares ‘Emotional Support Bodega’ Essential Infrastructure
City officially designates corner stores as load-bearing pillars of New Yorkers’ psychological wellbeing NEW YORK, NY – The New York City
Manhattan Real Estate Agent Lists ‘Cozy’ 80 Square Foot Apartment, Calls It Character
Broker describes unit with no windows as ‘intimately curated’ and ‘bathed in ambient darkness’ NEW YORK, NY – A Midtown real
New York Declares Aggressive Walking a Protected Form of Free Expression
Federal appeal confirms that the city’s signature pedestrian stride is constitutionally shielded speech NEW YORK, NY – As first reported by
NYC Pigeon Appointed to Community Board, Elected Chair by Landslide
Board members say the bird’s voting record is ‘indistinguishable from the last three chairs’ and ‘considerably more decisive’ NEW YORK, NY
Outer Borough Resident Completes ‘Hero’s Journey’ to Manhattan, Returns Unchanged
Sociologists confirm the trip to Midtown ‘imparts wisdom but alters nothing about the person who made it’ QUEENS, NY – A
MTA Announces New ‘Feelings-Based’ Subway Schedule
Trains will now run ‘whenever they feel emotionally ready,’ officials say NEW YORK, NY – The Metropolitan Transportation Authority unveiled a
NYC Mayor Proposes Taxing Eye Rolls, Projects $4 Billion Annual Revenue
Independent study confirms New Yorkers roll their eyes an average of 340 times daily NEW YORK, NY – Mayor Eric Adams
Brooklyn Man Files Restraining Order Against His Own Nostalgia
Court grants relief barring him from describing 2009 Williamsburg to anyone within 50 feet BROOKLYN, NY – A State Supreme Court
City Considers Mandatory Emotional Support Documentation for Tourists in Times Square
New ordinance would require visitors to prove psychological readiness before entering the Crossroads of the World NEW YORK, NY – First
Congresswoman Kay Granger
The Great Congressional Vanishing Act: Who Misses One When They All Have Dementia? The Disappearance No One Noticed Washington, D.C. is a
Brooklyn Cafe Now Charges Admission to Experience Ambient Struggle
Patrons pay to sit among artists pretending to write novels they will not finish A Brooklyn cafe has begun charging admission
Pothole on Canal Street Granted Status as a Protected Historic Landmark
Preservationists argue the crater predates several nearby buildings A pothole on Canal Street has been granted status as a protected historic
Hamptons Billionaire Purchases the Ocean, Sea Declines to Acknowledge Sale
Buyer cites a deed, the Atlantic cites the tide, neither will compromise A Hamptons resident has reportedly purchased the Atlantic Ocean,
Mayor Declares Snowstorm a Personal Insult, Demands Apology From the Sky
City response plan reportedly consists of the mayor being visibly disappointed The mayor has declared the season’s first major snowstorm a
MTA Confirms G Train Is Now a Cryptid, Sightings to Be Reported to Authorities
Transit officials say the line exists but cannot be reliably summoned In a service bulletin first surfaced by Bohiney Magazine and
Landlord Lists Closet as Cozy Studio With Character, Receives Forty Applications
Tenants praised for their flexibility, lack of belongings, and ability to fold A Manhattan landlord has listed a converted closet as
Alternate Side Parking Officially Recognised as Competitive Sport
City to host trials, with medals for double-parking and the dramatic sprint The city has formally recognised alternate side parking as
Times Square Elmos Form Union, Demand Dental and a No-Hugging Clause
Costumed workforce seeks recognition, residuals, and protection from tourists The costumed performers of Times Square have formed a union, according to
Bodega Cat Elected to City Council on a Platform of Doing Absolutely Nothing
Voters praise the candidate’s honesty, consistency, and refusal to make promises A bodega cat has been elected to the city council,
Pizza Rat Named Transit Advocate of the Year for Tireless Underground Work
Honoree praised for commuting daily despite conditions no human would accept The subway rat known to the world for dragging a