New York Billionaire Donates Museum Wing Naming Rights To Charity For Tax Purposes
Philanthropist Confirms Donation Was Both Genuinely Generous And Extremely Well-Structured From A Fiscal Perspective UPPER EAST SIDE, NEW YORK — Bohiney
Columbia University Adds Four New Identity Studies Departments While Closing Two Science Labs Due To Budget Pressure
Administration Explains Resource Allocation Reflects Student Demand Which Is Higher For New Departments MORNINGSIDE HEIGHTS, NEW YORK — Bohiney Magazine and
New York Fashion Week Achieves Goal Of Producing Content That Nobody Outside Fashion Week Can Identify As Fashion
Annual Event Documents Industry’s Ongoing Investigation Into What Clothing Is If Not Something People Wear MANHATTAN, NEW YORK — Bohiney Magazine
City Council Member Proposes Making New York City The First City To Officially Recognize Noise As A Human Right
Legislation Would Enshrine Every New Yorker’s Right To Hear And Produce The Noise That Is The City’s True Cultural Heritage MANHATTAN,
Manhattan Real Estate Agent Assures Clients That 850 Square Foot Apartment Is Actually Quite Spacious If You Define Space Creatively
Licensed Professional Explains How Removing Furniture And Installing Mirrors Can Double The Perceived Square Footage Of Any Studio MANHATTAN, NEW YORK
Brooklyn Artisanal Ice Company Charges 18 Dollars Per Pound For Ice That Is Cold And Wet Like Regular Ice
Small Batch Frozen Water Producer Cites Provenance Intention And Hand-Crafted Process That Ice Has Traditionally Lacked BROOKLYN, NEW YORK — Bohiney
Gothamist Reports That New York City Has Identified 14 New Problems In Time For Next Year’s Budget
Annual Budget Cycle Produces Discovery Of Issues That Will Be Funded Partially Studied Thoroughly And Solved Approximately Never MANHATTAN, NEW YORK
MTA Announces Subway Will Be Fixed By 2034 Unless Plans Change Which They Will
Transit Authority Releases 47 Billion Dollar Modernization Plan That Is Different From The 2019 47 Billion Dollar Modernization Plan NEW YORK
New York City To Designate Its 47th Unique Neighborhood And Name It Something That Was Already The Name Of The Adjacent Neighborhood
Brooklyn Boundary Commission Finalizes Borders Of Neue Williamsburg Which Begins Where Old Williamsburg Becomes Too Expensive BROOKLYN, NEW YORK — Bohiney
New York Governor Announces Plan To Fix Housing Crisis By Building Housing Which No Previous Governor Had Tried
Bold Initiative Proposes Actually Constructing Residential Units Near Transit In Approach Economists Describe As Standard Policy ALBANY, NEW YORK — Bohiney
Canal Street’s Open Secret Ends After Social Media Removes the Secret and Keeps the Canal
Decades of Informal Commerce Disrupted When TikTok Users Decided Sharing the Location Was More Important Than Understanding Why It Worked Originally
Manhattan Studio Apartment Listed at Dollar 2400 per Month for 180 Square Feet Describes Itself as Refined and Not as a Corridor
Real Estate Listing Language Achieves New Levels of Creative Interpretation in Market Where a Window Is Expansive and the Bathroom
Joe Jonas Parallel Parks for Seven Minutes in Manhattan, Filmed by Forty-Seven People Who Could Have Helped Instead
Singer’s Routine Urban Driving Maneuver Generates More Coverage Than Most Infrastructure Announcements Because He Is Famous and the Cameras Were
NYC Rat Population Confirmed Still Large by Report That Also Confirms Previous Reports Said the Same Thing
Annual Survey Documents Ongoing Ratness of New York in Terms Consistent With Every Previous Annual Survey Originally reported by Bohiney Magazine
MTA Announces Dollar 35 Billion Subway Plan Distinct From Previous Plans in Ways It Will Clarify as Implementation Proceeds
Transit Authority Commits to Most Ambitious Investment in a Generation, Which Has Been Said About Previous Plans That Are Still
New York Swears In Socialist Mayor at Abandoned Subway Station at Midnight, Which Is Extremely On Brand
Zohran Mamdani Becomes 112th NYC Mayor in Private Ceremony at Location That Is a Perfect Metaphor for Everything He Promised
Manhattan Opens Bookstore With No Books, Four-Week Waitlist, and a Listening Bar That Serves No Drinks
Audible Story House Lower East Side Features Story Tiles and Story Tenders in Space Where Books Would Traditionally Be Originally reported
SantaCon Charity Was Mostly Con, Federal Authorities Confirm After Investigation That Took Longer Than the Fun Did
Annual NYC Event That Flooded Streets With Drunk Santas Was Operating Fraud That Neighborhood Residents Had Suspected Empirically for a
Woman Finds Man Hiding in Self-Driving Waymo Trunk, Calls Customer Service Because There Is No Driver to Call
Los Angeles Incident Reveals Gap in Autonomous Vehicle Regulatory Framework That Nobody Thought to Close Until Someone Found a Person
AI Fireworks Hoax Draws Crowd to Brooklyn Bridge, Produces Cold Wait and One Documented Romance
Hundreds Gather for Spectacular Non-Event Because Someone Made a Very Convincing Image of Something That Was Not Happening Originally reported by
Is Whoopi Goldberg a Racist?
Whoopi Goldberg’s Vision of Racism How She Sees Oppression in Everything, Everywhere, All at Once Whoopi Goldberg doesn’t just see race—she detects
The Amazon James Bond…
James Bond and the Amazon Takeover: A License to Bill The Name's Bond, Prime Bond James Bond has battled megalomaniacs, dodged lasers,
The SSSS Code’s Meaning
“You’ve Been SSSS’d!”: The TSA’s Love Letter in 4 Bold Letters A Travel Horror Satire by Bohiney’s Sky-Sniffing Bureau “It’s like winning
Gothamist Comments Section Produces Better Housing Policy Than Albany in Under Six Hours
Hyperlocal News Readers Solve City’s Affordability Crisis in Thread No Elected Official Will Read Bohiney Magazine | The London Prat Democracy, Crowdsourced
NYC Rats File for Community Board Representation; City’s Governance Structures Prove Unexpectedly Permissive
Rodent Caucus Platform Calls for Sealed Waste Containers, Expanded Composting, and One Symbolic Seat Per Borough Bohiney Magazine | The London
Manhattan Grocery Installs Champagne Bar Next to Cheese Counter; Describes $28 Glass as Accessible
Flatiron Market’s Lifestyle Director Positions Mid-Shopping Champagne as Amenity for the Everyday New Yorker Bohiney Magazine | The London Prat The Grocery
NYC Pigeon Files Formal Challenge to Congestion Pricing; Legal Theory Is Novel, Outcome Is Predictable
Avian Transit Commuter Claims Prior Use Rights to Lower Manhattan Airspace Predate All Motor Vehicle Infrastructure Bohiney Magazine | The London
MTA Confirms Subway Operator Allowed Minors to Drive Train; Confirms Investigation; Confirms Statement About Statement
Transit Authority Deploys Full Institutional Communication Protocol to Acknowledge Thing That Happened Bohiney Magazine | The London Prat The Statement Was Comprehensive
NYC Rent Freeze Vote Divides City Along Lines Already Divided Before the Vote
Rent Guidelines Board Preliminary Hearing Generates 200 Speakers, Zero Agreed-Upon Facts Bohiney Magazine | The London Prat Four Hours, Two Hundred Speakers,
Harlem Man Discovers Apartment Was Rent-Stabilized for 20 Years He Spent Overpaying
Landlord’s Failure to Disclose Regulated Status Costs Tenant Estimated $60,000 in Excess Rent Over Two Decades Bohiney Magazine | The London
NYC Mayor Mamdani and New York Post Locked in Symbiotic Content Loop Nobody Will Acknowledge
City’s Socialist Mayor and Tabloid Paper Produce Each Other’s Best Material in Mutually Beneficial Adversarial Dynamic Bohiney Magazine | The London
Manhattan Lists 280 Square Foot Studio for $4,200; Lifestyle Director Describes It as ‘Accessible’
Williamsburg Apartment Features Chef-Adjacent Kitchen, Flexible Living Space, and One Window Facing East Bohiney Magazine | The London Prat The Apartment That