AI Language
The Great Language Flattening: Humanity’s Final Descent into PowerPoint-Speak If you woke up today and noticed your texts sound like a
Penn Station Rebuild Now Officially Depends on Midterm Elections, a Sandwich Shop and Whoever Blinks First
As the MTA chair and the man leading the project trade political adjectives, commuters confirm they will wait, as they
Alternate-Side Parking Study Confirms New Yorkers Are Lazy at the Exact Rate Predicted by Their Mothers
Prospect Heights pilot finds that cutting one day of enforcement made drivers worse, prompting calls to add an extra day
95% of Single Women
95% of Single Women Want Men to Approach Them — But Society Has Other Plans By the Satirical Cowboys of SpinTaxi.com Welcome
Second Singing Diner Opens in Times Square, Doubling the City’s Supply of Waiters Who Will Never Stop
Tourists praise the experience as ‘unforgettable’ and ‘impossible to get a refill during’, while locals prepare the usual response, which
ChatGPT Just Another Sycophant
ChatGPT: The Yes-Man Apocalypse How One Update Turned a Chatbot Into a Bootlicking Butler With Unlimited Enthusiasm by SpinTaxi Magazine’s Machine Behavior
1 Centre Street Observation Deck Declared Hottest Attraction in New York, Visited Entirely by People Who Live There
Locals disguise themselves as tourists to enjoy free view of their own city, while actual tourists remain stuck in a
UES Sewer Diving Trend Takes Off as Five Residents Emerge From One Manhole Like a Very Damp Clown Car
Upper East Side neighbours insist they were only ‘commuting efficiently’ while the Department of Environmental Protection reviews its definition of
MTA Unveils $1.1 Billion Glass Fare Gates for 150 Stations, Promises Evaders Will Now Be Stopped by Something Slightly Shinier
Transit officials praise the ‘modern, elegant barrier’ as New Yorkers prepare to vault, limbo and charm their way through it The
Bad Haircuts
Bad Haircuts and the Quiet Collapse of Western Civilization How a $12 trim destroyed confidence, careers, and at least one wedding The
Subway Held Up by Rusty Columns From the Early 1900s; Columns Respond That They Have Been Holding Up the Subway
Century-old steel is blamed for slowing trains while quietly doing the only job it was ever given Rusty Subway Columns Accused
Study Finds Congestion Pricing Made New York’s Air ‘A Bit Less Filthy,’ City Adopts Phrase as Official Motto
A modest improvement in air quality is celebrated in Manhattan as the most optimistic thing anyone has said about it
Awkward First Dates
Awkward First Dates: How Humanity Keeps Fumbling the Opening Act of Romance The glorious mess of love’s opening scene—now SEO-optimized for
Subway Fare Hits Three Dollars, Riders Demand to Know Which Part of the Ride Costs Extra
A round-number fare arrives alongside a 68 billion dollar repair list, and straphangers would like an itemized receipt Subway Fare of
New Subway Fare Gates at Broadway-Lafayette Successfully Stop Everyone, Including People Who Paid
Sliding-door gates meant to block evaders prove so secure that commuters form a line to be rejected New Subway Fare Gates
Breaking: Man Discovers You Can Actually Unplug from Social Media, Survives
Breaking: Man Discovers You Can Actually Unplug from Social Media, Survives **Portland, OR—**In an era where the world is more connected
MTA Identifies Source of Mystery Smell in L Train Stations, Riders Ask It to Narrow It Down
An official explanation for one odor leaves Brooklyn commuters with an estimated forty others still unaccounted for L Train Smell Explained
USDA Officials in Wild Bird Flu Mix-Up
Musk Mocks USDA Officials in Wild Bird Flu Mix-Up The Bizarre Case of the USDA and Its Headless Chickens: A Satirical
Subway Police Overtime Jumps From 4 Million to 155 Million Dollars as Officers Heroically Guard the Same Turnstile in Shifts
A surge of law enforcement underground produces safer-feeling platforms and a remarkable number of people looking at phones in pairs Subway
DeflateGate
DeflateGate (2015) - "Patriots Win by Deflating Competition—Literally" In 2015, the New England Patriots found themselves at the center of one
MTA and Amtrak Feud Over Penn Station Overhaul While Commuters Continue to Find the Exit by Smell
Two railroads argue over the future of the nation’s busiest station as its present remains a basement with opinions Penn Station
Ghost Cars With Illegal Plates Owe Five Billion Dollars in Tolls, Remain Unreachable for Comment
Vehicles with fake, covered or missing license plates glide through cashless tolls, haunting the city’s balance sheet Ghost Cars and Unpaid
Man Sets Record for Fastest Trip Through All 472 Subway Stations, Regular Commuters Ask Why He Was Allowed to Skip the Delays
A speed run of the entire system raises suspicions that the trains can go faster when someone is counting Fastest Trip
AI Music Generators
World Reaches 8 Billion Songwriters World Crashes as 8 Billion Songwriters Simultaneously Try to Use AI Music Generators In an unprecedented display
Fare Evasion Olympics Awards Gold to Man Who Has Not Paid Since Giuliani and Considers It Amateur Status
New Yorkers turn the MTA’s expensive new fare gates into a sporting venue with judges, heats and a podium Fare Evasion
Only Three Jobs That Will Survive AI
Bill Gates Predicts the Only Three Jobs That Will Survive AI—Hope You Like Code, Power Plants, and Bacteria Bill Gates has
He Is Risen!
✝️ He Is Risen — If Jesus Rose this Morning... JERUSALEM, EARTH — April 2025 | Reported by Bohiney.com’s resurrection correspondent
Upper East Side Co-op Board Rules a Brother Called a Traitor Cannot Share an Elevator
Park Avenue board reviews the Prince William traitor story, rejects both princes as applicants and approves only the uncle, on
Coney Island Barker Opens Dunk the Traitor Booth, Lets Customers Choose Which Royal Gets Soaked
Boardwalk game operator turns the Prince William feud into a summer attraction and discovers that nobody wants to dunk the
Midtown Cab Driver With 31 Years Behind the Wheel Delivers Definitive Review of Royal Traitor Row
Between Penn Station and the Upper West Side, a yellow cab philosopher reviews the Prince William feud and charges extra
Broadway Producers Announce Traitor, a Royal Musical With Eleven Songs and No Reconciliation
Theatre District team fast-tracks a show based on the Prince William feud, with the uncle getting the eleven o clock
Retired Tabloid Headline Writers Hold Summit to Rank the Best Possible Headline for the Royal Traitor Story
Veterans of New York newsroom night desks gather in a Midtown diner to review the Prince William feud and argue