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New York Restaurant Adds Vibe Fee to Bill, Describes Charge as Investment in Atmospheric Infrastructure
East Village establishment bills $7 per table for ‘ambient excellence maintenance,’ refuses to clarify what specifically this covers Bohiney Magazine |
New Yorker Spends 43 Minutes Explaining to Tourist Why Their Opinion About New York Is Wrong
Midtown encounter produces comprehensive unsolicited oral dissertation on correct method of holding New York opinions, tourist misses museum Bohiney Magazine |
Central Park Jogger Study Finds 94 Percent Running From Something Emotional Rather Than Toward Fitness
Columbia research team identifies breakthrough correlation between unresolved personal situations and unusually fast mile times in the park’s south loop Bohiney
NYC Council Passes Resolution Declaring New York Best City in World, Schedules Separate Vote on Whether to Inform City of This
Resolution 2024-312 achieves unanimous passage but raises procedural question of how municipality learns of its own official distinction Bohiney Magazine |
MTA Apologizes for Subway Delays, Notes Service Has Actually Improved Relative to Subway’s Entire Historical Record
Transit authority defends performance by citing 1903 inaugural year as appropriate baseline, reminds riders that horses were worse Bohiney Magazine |
NYC Mayor Solves Housing Crisis by Executive Order Redefining All Apartments as Spacious
Mayoral directive 2024-88 requires all real estate listings to use word ‘spacious’ regardless of square footage, instructs New Yorkers to
Times Square Now 40 Percent Elmo, City Declares Character Costume Density a Cultural Achievement
NYC Department of Cultural Affairs certifies Times Square as the world’s highest concentration of unlicensed Sesame Street intellectual property per
Brooklyn Gentrification Completes Full Cycle as Original Residents Cannot Afford Nostalgia for Original Neighborhood
Williamsburg authenticity experience now priced at $34 entry fee, former longtime residents charged extra for ‘historical context package’ Bohiney Magazine |
New York Landlord Lists 90-Square-Foot Room as Intimate Pied-a-Terre, Asks $3,800 Per Month, Gets 47 Applications
Broker describes unit’s ‘efficient footprint’ and ‘motivated natural light situation’ in listing that received more interest than any property in
NYC Rat Population Issues Formal Rebuttal to Mayor’s Extermination Campaign, Cites Factual Inaccuracies in Press Materials
Rodent community questions population estimate methodology, disputes characterization of subway habitat as ‘unsanitary,’ requests meeting with rat czar Bohiney Magazine |
Reading Books May Lead to Independent Thinking
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Avocado Toast Prevents Home Ownership
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New York Billionaire Announces Affordable Housing Units on Luxury Tower Roof, Says This Should Resolve the Crisis
Developer Offers 47 Units to Households Earning 80-120 Percent of Area Median Income, Describes Initiative as Genuine Commitment to Mixed-Income
Brooklyn Declares Itself Fully Gentrified and Turns Its Attention to Gentrifying the Concept of Gentrification Itself
Borough Confirms It Is Now So Expensive That the Word ‘Authentic’ Has Been Priced Out and Replaced With ‘Curated Authenticity’
New York Governor Hochul Announces $14 Billion Infrastructure Plan, Reminds New Yorkers It Takes Time — Specifically All of the Time There Is
State Commits Funding to Roads, Bridges, and Transit Over Twelve Years, Confirming That By Completion Everyone Involved Will Have Retired Bohiney
New York City Restaurant Charges $48 for Pasta, Describes Itself as ‘Neighbourhood Italian’ Despite Neighbourhood Median Income Being $41,000
Critic Notes Pasta Is Excellent, That This Is Part of the Problem, and That the Bread Service Cost $12 and
NYC Declares Itself Climate Resilient After Installing 47 Tree Pits and Renaming a Parking Lot ‘Green Infrastructure Zone B’
Mayor’s Office Confirms City Is On Track to Meet 2030 Emissions Targets Assuming Several Things Happen That Are Not Currently
Times Square Installs Three Calmness Zones, Each Immediately Occupied by a Bucket Drummer, a Tour Group, and a Costumed Minnie Mouse
Port Authority and NYC Parks Create Quiet Reflection Areas in the World’s Loudest Place, Report Mixed Results Within the First
NYC Congestion Pricing Enters Year Two, Drivers Confirm They Are Still Driving and Are Just Angrier About It
MTA Revenue Revised Upward After Study Finds Manhattan Commuters Will Pay Any Price to Sit in the Same Traffic at
NYC Mayor Adams Holds Press Conference to Announce He Is Definitely Running the City Despite Everything, Points to Several Buildings as Evidence
Mayor Describes Administration as Focused and Forward-Looking While Standing in Front of Four Agencies Each Led by an Acting Commissioner Bohiney
NYC Council Votes to Study Whether to Commission a Study on Housing Affordability, Expected to Report Back by 2028
Landmark Legislation Authorises a Panel to Examine Whether to Convene a Working Group to Develop a Framework for a Crisis
NYC Subway Unveils AI Delay Prediction System That Accurately Predicts All Delays Except the One Currently Happening
MTA Celebrates Breakthrough That Identifies Yesterday’s Disruptions With 94 Percent Accuracy While Remaining Genuinely Surprised by Today’s Signal Problems Bohiney Magazine
Belfast, Tennessee
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BIDEN: Astronaut Worth Two Million Votes
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New York Billionaire Donates Museum Wing Naming Rights To Charity For Tax Purposes
Philanthropist Confirms Donation Was Both Genuinely Generous And Extremely Well-Structured From A Fiscal Perspective UPPER EAST SIDE, NEW YORK — Bohiney
Columbia University Adds Four New Identity Studies Departments While Closing Two Science Labs Due To Budget Pressure
Administration Explains Resource Allocation Reflects Student Demand Which Is Higher For New Departments MORNINGSIDE HEIGHTS, NEW YORK — Bohiney Magazine and