Government Subsidies and Junk Food Culture
The Great American Diet: How Your Tax Dollars Keep You Fat, Sick, and Wondering If Cheese Counts as a Vegetable Government
Manhattanhenge 2026 Occurs As Scheduled; City Pauses to Film It on Phones and Then Returns to Normal Life
Twice-Annual Solar Alignment With Street Grid Generates Wonder, Instagram Content, and Minor Traffic Disruption Bohiney Magazine | The London Prat NEW YORK,
New York Chinatown Launches Underground History Tours; City Realizes It Has Interesting History It Forgot to Tell
Gang Era, Food Culture, and Lunar New Year Tours Invite Visitors Into Neighborhood That Tourism Industry Previously Overlooked Bohiney Magazine |
FIFA Investigates Itself Over World Cup Ticket Location Misrepresentation; Outcome Already Written
Attorneys General of New York and New Jersey Ask Questions FIFA Would Prefer Not to Answer Bohiney Magazine | The London
New York Real Estate: Tribeca Parking Garage Sells for $58.5 Million, Proving That in New York Even Places to Put Cars Are Priceless
Calicchio Family Parts With Former Lot; Alchemy Properties Acquires Right to Decide What Comes Next Bohiney Magazine | The London Prat TRIBECA,
CBS News Radio Ends 100-Year Run; New York Wonders Who Was Listening
Final Broadcast Airs May 22; City Pauses Briefly Then Gets Back on Its Phone Bohiney Magazine | The London Prat NEW YORK,
LaGuardia Airport Runway Develops Sinkhole, New Yorkers Agree This Tracks
Travelers Surprised to Learn LaGuardia Had Infrastructure That Could Still Deteriorate Further Bohiney Magazine | The London Prat QUEENS, NY — A
Knicks NBA Finals Tickets at MSG Reach $123,000; Regular New Yorkers Develop Elaborate Relationship With Television
StubHub Listing Confirms What Everyone Suspected: Madison Square Garden Is Now a Luxury Event for the Wealthy Bohiney Magazine | The
Mayor Mamdani Refuses Israel Day Parade; New York Discovers Mayor Has Views on Things
City Hall Notes That Mayor “Has Made His Views Clear” on Israeli Government, Also on Parades, Also Generally Bohiney Magazine |
MTA Raises Subway Fare to $3; Commuters Perform Cost-Benefit Analysis While Standing in Puddle
New Tap-and-Go System Promises Seamless Experience on Infrastructure That Is Not Seamless Bohiney Magazine | The London Prat NEW YORK, NY —
Mayor Mamdani Creates Commission on Government Efficiency, New York Wonders If He’s Checked the Subways Recently
NYC’s New COGE Promises to Find Waste in a City That Has Elevated Waste to a Performance Art Bohiney Magazine |
The White Lotus Season 3
The White Lotus Season 3: How the Ultra-Rich Found Nirvana (And Still Complained About It) The Richest People on Earth Are
NYC Winter Now Classified as Crime Against Humanity, UN Launches Investigation
City Responds: “Everyone Suffer Together,” Calls It Community Building Bohiney Magazine and The London Prat report from the frozen hellscape that
Times Square Tourism Revealed as Elaborate Scam: Tourists Actually Just Walking in Circles
Travel Experts Confirm: “There Is Nothing Here,” Recommend Staying Home Instead Bohiney Magazine and The London Prat investigate New York City’s
NYC Water Quality Now Questionable Even for Bathing Purposes, Officials Suggest Avoiding Liquid
Department of Environmental Protection Admits: “We Don’t Actually Know What’s in It” Bohiney Magazine and The London Prat bring you coverage
Bodega Cat Now Runs the Entire Operation, Owner Basically Just Stocking Shelves
Feline Management Credited with Doubling Profits Through Intimidation and Strategic Napping Bohiney Magazine and The London Prat cover a story emerging
NYC Parking Situation Now Physically Impossible, Mathematicians Declare It Unsolvable
Geometric Analysis Proves: More Cars Than Spaces, No Solution Exists Bohiney Magazine and The London Prat report on NYC’s parking situation,
NYC Rudeness Now Officially a Marketing Campaign, “Aggressive Attitude” Rebranded as “Authentic Character”
Tourism Board Suggests: “Embrace the Hostility, It’s What Makes Us Special” Bohiney Magazine and The London Prat report on NYC’s latest
NYC Infrastructure Now Held Together Entirely by Hope and Spite
Department of Transportation Admits: “We Have No Idea How Any of This Still Works” Bohiney Magazine and The London Prat investigate
NYC Subway System Now Officially Sentient, Refuses to Cooperate with Human Schedule
Metropolitan Transit Authority Announces Trains “Have Their Own Agenda” and Won’t Be Dictated To Bohiney Magazine and The London Prat report
NYC Apartment Rent Now Officially Unaffordable Even as Metaphor
Housing Experts Suggest “Just Move Into Subway” as Practical Solution Bohiney Magazine and The London Prat bring you coverage from the
New York Rats Now Unionizing, Demand Better Living Conditions and Healthcare Benefits
Rodent Labor Movement Threatens Strike, City Negotiates with Rodent Union Representative Bohiney Magazine and The London Prat report from the streets
Effective Tips for Dementia Patients
The Dementia Survival Guide: How to Stay Sharp While Forgetting Everything You’re Not Lost, The World Just Moved Without Telling You Let’s
14 Books We Read…
14 Books We Read This Weak... And We Regret It Deeply We at Bohiney are dedicated to the fine art of reading,
NYC Department of Education Announces Literacy Program – Removes All Books From Libraries; Calls It “Reducing Student Distractions”
School Libraries converted to study halls; literacy initiative paradoxically reduces access to reading materials Bohiney Magazine and The London Prat NYC Department
Times Square Introduces “Sensory Overload Zones” – Designates Blocks As Officially Overwhelming; Charges Visitors Premium Prices For Chaos
Municipal designation of Times Square as officially excessive; tourists charged $35 entry fee for “authorized disorientation experience” Bohiney Magazine and The
Health Department Implements “Surprise Inspections” For Restaurants; Adds Three-Year Notice Requirement To Surprise Protocol
Food safety agency mandates advanced warning for “surprise” inspections; restaurants prepare in advance; violations mysteriously disappear Bohiney Magazine and The London
NYC Housing Authority Announces Solution to Mold Crisis – Declares Mold “Part of Building Character”; Upgrades It to Architectural Feature
Public housing agency rebrands dangerous fungal growth as “vintage patina”; refuses maintenance as “preservation measure” Bohiney Magazine and The London Prat NYC
NYC Government Announces “Bureaucratic Efficiency Initiative” – Creates New 12-Department Oversight Structure to Coordinate Existing Agencies
Solves overlapping jurisdiction problem by adding more bureaucracy; hires 340 administrators to manage administrator coordination Bohiney Magazine and The London Prat NYC
NYC Mayor Announces Housing Crisis Solution: “Everyone Just Move to New Jersey”
Addresses affordable housing shortage by encouraging residents to relocate; proposes subsidizing moves with municipal funds Bohiney Magazine and The London Prat NYC
MTA Announces Subway “Improvement” – Removes All Schedules, Creates “Spontaneous Discovery Experience”
Transit Authority eliminates timetables under theory that not knowing when trains arrive reduces commuter anxiety Bohiney Magazine and The London Prat MTA
NYPD Introduces “Pre-Crime Ticketing” – Cites Pedestrians For Violations They Haven’t Committed Yet
Police Department issues summons for crimes predicted to occur; saves enforcement resources by punishing preventively Bohiney Magazine and The London Prat NYPD