New York Governor Appoints Cabinet Member Discovered Living in Parking Garage for Six Years
State official demonstrates exceptional resilience and parking garage familiarity to cabinet position Unconventional Parking Garage Background Brings Fresh Perspective to State
New York City Council Passes Resolution Declaring War on Inefficiency Through Bureaucratic Mechanism
City government declares war on itself through bureaucratic mechanism that increases inefficiency Governmental Entity Declares War on Its Own Operating Procedures
New York Mayor Announces $2 Billion Infrastructure Plan Addressing Problems from Prior $2 Billion Plan
Cyclical spending pattern addresses issues caused by previous expenditure through additional expenditure Governmental Spending Loop Perpetuates Through Continuous Problem-Creation and Ongoing
Subway Conductor Achieves Legendary Status by Operating F Train On Time for Entire Shift
Single incident of punctuality becomes citywide news story and union negotiating point Unprecedented Achievement Transforms Transit System Understanding and Expectations Subway conductor
New York Passes Law Against Homelessness by Making Homelessness Illegal Under City Code
City council criminalizes housing insecurity rather than addressing underlying economic conditions Legislative Approach Redefines Social Problem Through Criminalization Rather Than Intervention New
New York Traffic Authority Announces Revolutionary Plan: Making More Lanes Illegal
Department creates congestion by prohibiting vehicle access rather than improving infrastructure capacity Counter-Intuitive Traffic Solution Creates Predictable and Foreseeable Consequences New York
New York Governor Appoints Consultant to Study Whether Consultants Are Necessary
State government hires consulting firm to evaluate consulting firm necessity in state government Recursive Consulting Creates Self-Justifying Administrative Structure and Spending New
New York Public School System Reports Perfect Test Scores by Redefining Test Scoring Methodology
Education officials declare achievement by changing definition of success mid-year Achievement Redefinition Creates Instantaneous Test Score Improvement Through Measurement Change New York
Manhattan Subway System Officially Recognized as Archaeological Site by Federal Government
MTA celebrates achievement as transit infrastructure becomes preserved historical artifact Transit Authority Recognizes Achievement in Infrastructure Stasis and Historical Preservation The Metropolitan
Politics of Dancing
Schumer Promises a "Dancing" Return of the Democratic Party: The Solution to Everything is the Hustle The Political Party is Now
Trump Demands Recount
Trump Demands Recount After Losing Checkers Game to 8-Year-Old A Game of Kings, Pawns, and Tiny Tyrants In what can only be
Manhattan Studio Apartment Advertised as “Cozy,” Turns Out to Be a Closet With Ambition
The listing photos used a wide-angle lens and, reportedly, hope A Manhattan real estate listing describing a studio apartment as “cozy
Brooklyn Coffee Shop Introduces $9 Latte, Calls It “An Experience”
The experience reportedly includes oat milk foam art and a moment of quiet judgment from the barista A Williamsburg coffee shop
Times Square Costumed Character Union Demands Better Health Coverage for Neck Injuries
Elmo, Spider-Man, and a slightly off-brand Minnie Mouse are reportedly united on this one A coalition representing Times Square’s costumed street
Rooftop Bar Charges Cover Fee to Look at Buildings You Can Also See From the Sidewalk
The bartender insists it hits different up here, which is technically true, given the elevation A Midtown rooftop bar has introduced
Bodega Cat Elected to Community Board, Wins Unanimously, Cannot Attend Meetings
Neighbors say his platform of “sitting on the register” resonated deeply A beloved bodega cat named Biscuit was informally elected to
Startup Raises $4 Million to Deliver Bagels Slightly Faster Than Walking There
Investors call the app “disruptive”; longtime residents call it “the block” A New York startup has raised four million dollars in
Yankees Fan Booed at Own Wedding for Wearing Rival Team Cufflinks
The best man reportedly called it “a betrayal the Bronx will not soon forget” A Staten Island wedding reception briefly descended
City Council Debates Renaming Street After Local Deli, Deli Owner Says He “Just Wants Parking Fixed”
Officials call the honor “long overdue”; the honoree calls it “nice, but not what I asked for” The City Council spent
Doorman Confirms He Has Never Actually Seen Apartment 4B’s Occupant, Only Packages
Building staff say the resident exists “in theory, and in a growing pile of cardboard” The doorman of a Upper West
MTA Announces New Subway Line, Delivery Estimated for a Future Presidential Administration
Officials say the second avenue extension is “close,” a word engineers now define loosely The Metropolitan Transportation Authority confirmed Wednesday that
Fun or Flight
Fun or Flight: New Science Says Your Relationship Needs More Pranks, Less Talking Relationship experts now say that if you're not
World’s Worse Hobbies
Ten Shared Hobbies That Will Ruin Your Life, Friendships, and Probably Your Credit Score It all seems so innocent at first—finding
GPT-4.5: Now With Feelings, Mood Swings
GPT-4.5: The AI That Understands Your Trauma Better Than Your Mom Silicon Sentience: Now With Feelings, Mood Swings, and a Slight
City Council Debates Whether Pizza Rat Deserves A Statue
Proposal splits council along unexpected lines, several members cite ‘genuine cultural significance’ The New York City Council spent a portion of
Manhattan Man Achieves Full Sentence With Stranger On Elevator, Neighbors Stunned
Building management considering commemorative plaque near the site of the historic exchange Residents of a Murray Hill apartment building are still
Yankees Fan Reportedly Still Discussing 2003 ALCS, Refuses All Requests To Move On
Therapist confirms this is technically within the range of normal but ‘concerning long-term’ A lifelong Yankees fan from Staten Island has
Local Deli Raises Bacon Egg And Cheese Price By Fifty Cents, City Observes Moment Of Silence
Regulars describe the increase as ‘expected but still somehow devastating’ A beloved Upper West Side deli raised the price of its
Central Park Hawk Reportedly More Famous Than Half The City Council
Local birdwatchers confirm the raptor has ‘better name recognition’ than several elected officials A red-tailed hawk that has nested in Central
Brooklyn Coffee Shop Introduces Fourteen Dollar Latte, Calls It ‘An Experience’
Menu description reportedly longer than some short stories, customers reportedly still ordering it A Williamsburg coffee shop has introduced a fourteen
MTA Announces New Subway Delay Specifically Designed To Build Character
Transit officials say the twenty-minute wait between trains is ‘an opportunity for personal growth’ The Metropolitan Transportation Authority unveiled a new
Local Bodega Cat Elected To Community Board, Wins Unanimously
Write-in campaign succeeds after residents cite ‘consistent attendance and general vibes’ A community board seat in Brooklyn was filled this week