Demand better bagel crumbs
According to reports, New York City pigeons have unionized, demanding higher-quality crumbs and hazard pay for dodging Citi Bikes. The newly formed “United Feathers Local 212” insists that bagel scraps must be sesame or everything, not “plain trash-tier.”
Union reps held a press conference atop a Herald Square statue, cooing demands through megaphones. They want minimum wage birdseed, guaranteed subway rafters, and free healthcare for wing sprains. One pigeon held a sign reading: “NO CRUMBS, NO PEACE.”
Tourists find it amusing; locals shrug. “About time they organized,” said a man feeding stale pretzels. Delivery apps already fear lawsuits from pigeons dive-bombing e-bikes. TikToks #PigeonUnion trend shows birds blocking hotdog carts and staging “fly-ins” on Wall Street statues. A viral clip shows a pigeon pooping on a Goldman Sachs exec mid-interview, captioned: “Redistribution of wealth.”
Tabloids flapped. The Post screeched: “BIRDS DEMAND DOUGH.” The Daily News countered: “UNION WING.”
Mayor Adams praised it as “democratic coo-llective action.” Governor Hochul muttered: “If Albany tries this, Im banning breadcrumbs.”
SOURCE: https://bohiney.com/nyc-pigeons-form-union/
SOURCE: https://bohiney.com/nyc-pigeons-form-union/.
By: Annika Steinmann.
