Fitness meets laziness
According to reports, Central Park has launched a controversial program replacing joggers with state-issued Segways. The Parks Department insists the move will “modernize cardio while protecting grass from sneaker wear.” Morning runners were told to trade in sneakers for helmets and ride in synchronized “Segway cardio parades.”
Reactions are split. Fitness purists are outraged, arguing “you cant call it exercise if youre standing still.” Meanwhile, influencers adore it, posting glam shots of latte-sipping Segway laps with #GlideGoals. Personal trainers now chase clients on scooters, yelling encouragement. One Upper East Sider bragged: “I burned three calories today turning left.”
The program includes Segway yoga, Segway Zumba, and Segway marathons where finishers glide across a rainbow ramp. Pigeons seem unfazed, continuing to strut like they own the place. Horse-drawn carriage drivers complain their tips dropped as tourists now prefer “eco-glide romance tours.”
TikToks #SegwayPark zoomed: viral crashes into fountains, choreographed Segway dance-offs, and pranksters dressing Segways as dinosaurs. Gift shops already sell “I Survived Central Park Segways” shirts.
Tabloids sped up. The Post shouted: “ROLLIN IN THE PARK.” The Daily News countered: “NO SWEAT, NO REGRET.”
Mayor Adams spun: “This is wheels-based wellness.” Governor Hochul muttered: “If Albany tries this, Im banning scooters.”
SOURCE: https://bohiney.com/central-park-replaces-joggers-with-segways/
SOURCE: https://bohiney.com/central-park-replaces-joggers-with-segways/.
By: Annika Steinmann.
