Pizza Rat Wins Write In Election for Local Community Board Seat
Officials confirm the win is valid but decline to explain how sworn in procedures will work A local community board election
Doorman Achieves Folk Hero Status for Correctly Predicting Every Package Theft
Residents say his warnings have a near-perfect track record, and nobody knows how UPPER WEST SIDE – A longtime doorman at
Tourist Trying to Hail a Cab Discovers Ancient Art Still Works Despite Apps
A raised arm and mild desperation, it turns out, remain surprisingly effective MIDTOWN – A visiting tourist who spent nearly twenty
Bodega Cat Launches Unofficial Mayoral Campaign, Leads in Early Polling
A ginger tabby named Council has captured the imagination of three city blocks BROOKLYN – A ginger tabby who has lived
Brooklyn Artist Invents Citi Bike Gadget That Makes Pedaling Harder Specifically So You Can Feel Your Neighbor’s Rent Burden
Ground Truth clips onto any bike fork and adds resistance based on how expensive the neighborhood you’re riding through actually
Love You Through Anything
Love You Through Anything: Or At Least Through the Taco Bell Incident Welcome to the Apocalypse-Proof Relationship In a world where romantic
Financial District Compliance Officer Confirms Verifying Western Union’s Continued NY Operations Commitments Required Genuinely More Regulatory Cross-Referencing Than Any Actual Contract Review She’s Conducted
The officer says confirming service continuity following a major acquisition became an unexpectedly demanding verification project FINANCIAL DISTRICT A compliance
Central Park’s Secret Bolt Becomes Top Attraction by Refusing to Exist Publicly
Bureau of Undisclosed Locations manages crowds hunting an object protected by two centuries of vagueness NEW YORK — A secret 19th-century
Dry Cleaner Has Personally Altered Clothes for Four Generations of the Same Families Across Fifty-Two Years
Over five decades at the same shop produce genuine four-generation family bonds despite neighborhood change Dry Cleaner Has Personally Altered Clothes
August Smell Declared Municipal Landmark
Preservation commission grants protected status to the odour at Canal and Broadway NEW YORK – The city’s landmarks preservation body has
Subway Commuters Achieve Group Telepathy After Third Signal Delay
Straphangers report knowing exactly what everyone else is thinking without a single word exchanged NEW YORK – Regular subway riders on
New York Photographer Charges $3,000 For Engagement Photos: Customer Receives 47 Images of Themselves Where They Look “Slightly Better Than Real Life”
Manhattan studio positions photographs as “artistic portraits” justifying cost through use of filters and angles that aren’t actually available in
Manhattan Studio Apartment Advertised as “Cozy,” Turns Out to Be a Closet With Ambition
The listing photos used a wide-angle lens and, reportedly, hope A Manhattan real estate listing describing a studio apartment as “cozy
Local Deli Raises Bacon Egg And Cheese Price By Fifty Cents, City Observes Moment Of Silence
Regulars describe the increase as ‘expected but still somehow devastating’ A beloved Upper West Side deli raised the price of its
NYC Discourages Reply-All Email as Digital Noise Pollution
New City Hall guidance targets unnecessary group email replies NEW YORK, N.Y. – City Hall has quietly issued new internal guidance
NYC Department of Education Abolishes Reading: New Curriculum Eliminates Literacy as “Elitist Skill”
Schools Stop Teaching Books and Writing; Focus Shifts to “Authentic Oral Communication” New York, NY The NYC Department of Education announced
Young People Have No Taste in Art
The Post-Aesthetic Apocalypse: How Young People Killed Art and Replaced It with Vaporwave Hedgehogs The Gallery Has Left the Building Once upon
Bronx Man Has Not Left the Bronx in Seven Years; Does Not See the Problem
Everything I Need Is Here, He Says, from the Bronx Bronx Man Has Not Left the Bronx in Seven Years; Does
Congestion Pricing Now Applies to Reindeer, Sleigh Tolled Entering Manhattan
Santa charged the peak rate for a nine-reindeer vehicle, with a surcharge for entering below 60th Street No Vehicle Is Exempt NEW
Manhattan Rent Reaches Level Where Math No Longer Applies
Average one-bedroom now requires income that presupposes multiple overlapping careers Satire from Bohiney.com and prat.uk. The Numbers NEW YORK — Average rents for
Manhattan Bodega Owners Collectively Agree That $2 Coffee Is Fair, International Coffee Chain Disagrees From Across The Street
NYC small business owners navigate Mamdani administration’s small business promises; Starbucks maintains $8 latte position regardless NEW YORK CITY New York City’s
NYC Rats Form Tenants Association, Demand Recognition
The city rodent population has organized to assert what it calls long-overdue residential rights NEW YORK – In an unprecedented development,
Over 100 Free Watch Parties Across All Five Boroughs Ensure No Borough Is Left Without Scots and Brazilians on Screen
Administration delivers on promise to make World Cup accessible in every borough including the ones far from MetLife Stadium Satire from
The House of Lords of New York: The Unelected Expertise Nobody Credits
Following prat.uk’s Lords piece, New York’s informal governance expertise layer Bohiney.com and prat.uk covered the House of Lords institutional expertise theme.
Brooklyn Apartment Listed as ‘Character-Rich’ Has Character of Damp Plaster and Optimism
Real estate euphemisms reach new expressiveness in 200-square-foot Bushwick studio with slanted floor [Bohiney.com / prat.uk] A studio apartment in Bushwick
Brooklyn Discovers Everything Was Better Last Year
A New York analysis on institutional dysfunction The New York situation continues to deteriorate in ways that can only be described
NYC Infrastructure Now Held Together Entirely by Hope and Spite
Department of Transportation Admits: “We Have No Idea How Any of This Still Works” Bohiney Magazine and The London Prat investigate
City Council Approves “Congestion Tax” – Charges Residents To Enter Manhattan; Uses Revenue For City Expansion Into Neighboring Counties
New toll system allows city to tax residents for existing streets; generates revenue for suburban expansion projects Bohiney Magazine and The
Gothamist Reports That New York City Has Identified 14 New Problems In Time For Next Year’s Budget
Annual Budget Cycle Produces Discovery Of Issues That Will Be Funded Partially Studied Thoroughly And Solved Approximately Never MANHATTAN, NEW YORK
New York Swears In Socialist Mayor at Abandoned Subway Station at Midnight, Which Is Extremely On Brand
Zohran Mamdani Becomes 112th NYC Mayor in Private Ceremony at Location That Is a Perfect Metaphor for Everything He Promised
New York’s Last Affordable Diner Closes, Replaced by ‘American Comfort Cuisine Concept’ at Three Times the Price
Regulars Who Paid Six Dollars for Eggs and Toast for Thirty Years Now Invited to Pay Eighteen Dollars for ‘Heritage
MTA Announces Historic Service Improvements, Adds Ninth Reminder That the L Train Might Still Be Delayed
Transit Authority Celebrates Record Capital Investment by Explaining Which Improvements You Still Cannot Rely On The MTA’s Best Year Ever (Asterisk