Best Satire for May 2025: General Wire-Report Comedy, Ranked
Judges rank the sharpest deadpan general-interest wire-report satire NEW YORK (May 2025)—This cycle’s review of general-interest wire-report comedy concluded with judges
Yellow Cab Drivers Respond to Rise of E Bikes by Installing Dramatically Louder Horns
Drivers say the escalation was a natural and entirely justified next step A growing number of New York City yellow cab
DeepSeek the AI That Solves Floods, Divorces, and Sings Karaoke
China’s New Supreme Leader: DeepSeek the AI That Solved Floods, Divorces, and Karaoke in One Afternoon The Handshake That Launched 1.4
Halal Cart Line Wraps Around Block, Block Itself Petitions for Recognition
Neighbors say the queue has become a landmark in its own right MIDTOWN – A halal cart on a busy Midtown
Congestion Zone Residents Say They Are Billed Leaving Their Own Garage, MTA Investigates
Living inside the toll zone was supposed to be exempt, several drivers beg to differ Charged for leaving a garage they
Bagel Order Complexity Reaches Level Requiring Formal Written Documentation
A simple breakfast becomes an exercise in precise specification Toasted, Not Too Toasted, Scallion Not Plain, Cut Not Whole A recent informal
Queens Diner Waitress Has Worked the Same Overnight Shift for Twenty-Five Years and Knows Every Regular’s Life Story
Twenty-five years of overnight shifts turn one waitress into a trusted, familiar presence for regulars Queens Diner Waitress Has Worked the
Corner Bar’s Regulars Have Maintained an Unofficial Trivia Night Tradition for Eighteen Years Without Ever Once Missing a Week
A rotating host system helps an informal weekly tradition outlast three separate changes in bar ownership Corner Bar’s Regulars Have Maintained
Bodega Cat’s Twelve-Year Reign Over Corner Store Has Reportedly Outlasted Four Separate Owners
An informal but consistently honored arrangement means no new owner has ever seriously considered removing her Bodega Cat’s Twelve-Year Reign Over
Bodega Cat Runs For Second Term Unopposed, Approval Rating Now Exceeds Every Statewide Elected Official Combined
No challenger will face a flawless record, and a rival bodega’s own cat endorses rather than compete Bodega Cat Runs For
Dog Run Regulars Have Established a Full Seniority Hierarchy Among the Dogs Themselves, Humans Reportedly Just Along For the Walk
Fountain rights transfer smoothly to the next senior dog after a beloved regular passes, with no human ever teaching the
City Rats Announce Formal Opposition to Trash Containerization, Cite Loss of Heritage
Communique demands heritage curbs and board seats as sealed bins end the four-hundred-year buffet era City Rats Announce Formal Opposition to
Bodega Cat Named Employee of the Year
Deli confirms cat has better attendance than any human staff member since 2019 NEW YORK – A Washington Heights bodega has
Advertising Association Launches Empathy Calibration Certification
New training helps marketers navigate messaging during periods of public hardship SEATTLE – A regional advertising trade association confirmed this week
Congestion Pricing Debate Reaches Its One Thousandth Op Ed
Local columnists reportedly running out of new metaphors for Manhattan gridlock MANHATTAN – The city’s long running congestion pricing debate has
Subway Conductor Achieves Legendary Status by Operating F Train On Time for Entire Shift
Single incident of punctuality becomes citywide news story and union negotiating point Unprecedented Achievement Transforms Transit System Understanding and Expectations Subway conductor
Bodega Cat Elected to Community Board, Wins Unanimously, Cannot Attend Meetings
Neighbors say his platform of “sitting on the register” resonated deeply A beloved bodega cat named Biscuit was informally elected to
Yankees Fan Reportedly Still Discussing 2003 ALCS, Refuses All Requests To Move On
Therapist confirms this is technically within the range of normal but ‘concerning long-term’ A lifelong Yankees fan from Staten Island has
NYCDOT Announces “Left Turn Criminalization”: Drivers Making Left Turns Face Automatic $2,500 Fines
New Traffic Initiative Restricts Directional Freedom; City Fines Drivers Changing Lanes Rightward New York, NY The NYC Department of Transportation announced
Manhattan Resident Forms “Community” to Oppose New Building; Building Would Provide Housing
44-Page Objection Notes “Character of the Block”; Block Has Been Changing Since 1898 Manhattan Resident Forms “Community” to Oppose New Building;
NYC Subway Fare Hits $3.00, Making Round-Trip to Work Cheaper Than a Sandwich at JFK
MTA raises base fare to $3; commuters note airport food costs remain the reference point for all NYC price benchmarking NEW
Brooklyn Cafe Charges $22 for Coffee, Insists Experience Is the Product
Barista explains that the cup is actually a vessel for intention You Are Not Paying for Coffee NEW YORK — A Williamsburg
Tourist Stands On Left Side Of Escalator, City Grinds To A Halt
Single violation of sacred subway code triggers metropolitan crisis Reporting brought to you by Bohiney Magazine and The London Prat. One Visitor’s
SoulCycle Instructor Attempts to Recreate Historic 12-Minute Silence; Class Awkward
Deliberately music-free session fails to replicate accidental spiritual moment from April; results are educational [Bohiney.com / prat.uk] SoulCycle instructor Kayla Renner,
Pizza Rat Named Transit Advocate of the Year for Tireless Underground Work
Honoree praised for commuting daily despite conditions no human would accept The subway rat known to the world for dragging a
Manhattan Studio Apartment Achieves Sentience, Cannot Afford To Live In Itself
450-square-foot walkup demands rent it knows it could never pay, spirals into existential crisis on the open market NEW YORK —
Upper West Side Co-op Board Rejects Buyer Due to ‘Insufficient Cultural Fit’ With Building
Manhattan residential co-op board declines purchase application from a prospective buyer who meets all financial requirements, citing concerns about cultural
Reading Books May Lead to Independent Thinking
Experts Warn That Reading Books May Lead to Independent Thinking A Shocking Discovery Shakes Educational Institutions In a startling announcement that sent
New York Governor Hochul Announces $14 Billion Infrastructure Plan, Reminds New Yorkers It Takes Time — Specifically All of the Time There Is
State Commits Funding to Roads, Bridges, and Transit Over Twelve Years, Confirming That By Completion Everyone Involved Will Have Retired Bohiney
NYC Bodega Cat Workforce Census Achieves Substantially Higher Population Count Than Earlier Estimates Had Suggested
After 18 months of systematic field observation, the New York City Bodega Cat Census Project has reported a population substantially
Outer Borough Resident Completes Manhattan Errand in Under Two Hours, Briefly Considered Moving There
Successful Trip to Midtown Produces Unprecedented Optimism That Lasts Until Resident Checks Real Estate Website on Train Home The Productive Manhattan
What Universal Child Care Would Actually Mean for New York City Working Families in Dollar Terms
The $20,000 Annual Cost That Disappears if the $15 Billion Funding Question Gets Resolved From Bohiney and The London Prat. The $20,000