Satirical News

Editors Admit They Mistook Conviction for Commitment PRESS RELEASEA London-based satirical publication has announced an internal review after discovering that a

Public Insists Familiarity Does Not Equal Knowledge, Apparently PRESS RELEASEA senior political figure has firmly denied any knowledge of a writer

Firms Politely Confirm Compound Interest Is Not Sorcery PRESS RELEASESenior figures across the City have issued a joint clarification confirming that

Journalists Say “This Is Not How Commentary Works” After Writer Confuses Satire With Reality PRESS RELEASEThe British journalism community has expressed

Reporter Stands in Mild Rain as If Covering a Hurricane The Soaking Truth at SixWith the first spritz of a passing

How a Rogue Robot Brought the Subway to Its Knees The Phantom of the TracksThe official reason was "signal problems at

The Unspoken Ordinance of Sad Girl Playlists The Siren Soundtrack of Overpriced CoffeeYou enter any minimally decorated cafe in Brooklyn, Queens,

One Fowl's Escape Turns Into a Borough-Wide Treasure Hunt The Great Mott Haven JailbreakHenrietta, a three-pound Speckled Sussex hen, didn't just

Should Bagels Be Allowed to Leave the City Limits? The Sacred Circle of Boiled DoughIn the hallowed, flour-dusted backrooms of Brooklyn's

The Rise of Unnecessarily Corrective Home Technology The Know-It-All That Lives in Your OutletsA human-computer interaction study has documented what researchers

The Accountant's Guide to Quantifying Athletic Heartbreak The 1040 Form of DespairA joint study by tax attorneys and sports psychologists has

How a University Turned Viral Dances Into an Academic Discipline The Dean Who Finally Gave UpWhen Chancellor Reeves announced Willow State

The Physics of Abrupt Sightseeing Stoppages The Human Traffic CollisionAn urban dynamics study has quantified what every New Yorker has experienced:

How Shared Grievances Forge the Strongest NYC Bonds The Glue of GrumblingIn other cities, friendships are built on shared interests: a

How Trash Talk Became the True Competitive Sport of Urban Basketball The Sonic Warfare of Asphalt CourtsAudio engineers from NYU's Acoustic

Ferry Passenger Reports Sighting of Mythical Avian A Monster from the NarrowsThe Staten Island Ferry, that great democratic cruiser of the

How Every NYC Busker Was "Almost" on America's Got Talent The Ubiquitous "Almost"Ask any street performer in Times Square about their

Newscaster Keeps Straight Face Announcing Metaphysical Cause The 6 Train is Having an Existential MomentIn a landmark broadcast for poetic journalism,

Financial Innovation Hits Rock Bottom The Fee for the Privilege of a FeeMetroGlobal Bank, in its quest to "democratize financial relationships,"

How optimizing every second leaves no time for living The Dawn of the Efficiency EvangelistsThey arrive at your desk not with

The Great Robot Resignation of 2024 The Day the Machines Said "Enough"A robotics research study has documented what engineers are calling

Mayor Signs Bill Officially Downgrading Pedestrian Pathways A New Lexicon for the ConcreteIn a move hailed as "semantically bold" and derided

Wellness Guru Attributes Affordable Housing to Strategic Quartz Placement The Mineral-Based MortgageWellness influencer and "vibrational architect" Astra Moonbeam posted a 47-part

The Legal Gray Area of Excessive Cardiovascular Commitment The Citation for Excessive VelocityA legal anthropology study has documented what appears to

When Metal Detectors Meet the Permanently Propped Fire Exit The Fortress with an Open Back DoorRoosevelt High spent $87,000 installing state-of-the-art

When a Virtual Sandcastle Crumbles the Future of Work The Pixelated Grain of Sand That Broke the Camel's BackThe "Return-to-Office" mandate

When Temporary Wonder Meets Permanent Spectacle The Eternal Daylight of Commercial DesireA sensory anthropology study has documented what researchers term "luminance

Instructor Yells Life Advice Over Thumping Bass The Sermon on the FlywheelAt "Revolution Spin" in Chelsea, the 6 PM class isn't

The Speed of Faunal Disillusionment The Speed of Romanticism's DemiseAn urban wildlife-tourist interaction study has documented what researchers term "rapid faunal

The Parking Standoff That Symbolizes Transportation Transition The Great Charging Station SiegeAn urban mobility study has documented what researchers are calling

A Celestial Scapegoat for Terrestrial Incompetence The Cosmic AlibiThe memo to the risk committee was a work of astrological fiction. "While

NY Post Headline Sparks Collective Aortic Event Across City The Slice That Broke the City's BackThe *New York Post*'s front page