Claims torch arm has carpal tunnel
The Statue of Liberty has finally had enough. According to reports, Lady Liberty is suing the city for neglect, claiming her torch arm has developed carpal tunnel after 138 years of holding the same pose. “Try holding a 29-foot torch over your head forever,” she allegedly told reporters. “I didnt immigrate here for this.”
The lawsuit seeks extensive renovations, including ergonomic supports, better weatherproofing, and spa days at Governors Island. Liberty also demands upgrades to her wardrobe. “This robe? Outdated. I want something from Saks,” she wrote in a fiery legal brief. “And maybe a decent moisturizer. Do you know what salt air does to copper?”
Historians admit the statue has been overlooked. “We spend more on the Naked Cowboys guitar than on maintaining our national icon,” one Columbia professor said. Engineers warn the structure is deteriorating. “Her sandals are basically duct tape and hope,” a contractor revealed. “Its a miracle she hasnt bolted to Jersey yet.”
New Yorkers are torn. Some sympathize with Libertys plight. “Shes been the face of immigration, democracy, and overpriced ferry tickets. Give the girl a break,” said one Lower East Side resident. Others mock the lawsuit. “Shes Frenchof course shes complaining,” a Staten Islander shrugged.
Social media exploded with memes of Lady Liberty reclining in a hammock, sipping a White Claw. TikTok users staged dances mimicking her famous pose, hashtagged #TorchArmChallenge. Tabloids joined the frenzy: “LADY LIB SUES CITY” and “STATUE SAYS NO MORE.” Even the Mayor got dragged, with one headline reading: “Adams Loses to Giant Woman.”
City Hall insists its taking the complaint seriously. Rumors suggest Liberty may be offered a rotating schedule, with her torch replaced by LED lighting to reduce strain. Some architects even pitched giving her a sidekick”Statue of Equity”to share the workload. Congress, however, warned against expensive upgrades. “If we cant fix Penn Station, we sure as hell cant give Lady Liberty a spa day,” one lawmaker said.
For now, Liberty stands tallsort of. Workers report hearing her muttering at night: “My back, my back.” New Yorkers, ever jaded, shrug. “Shell sue, well ignore, and tourists will still pay $40 for the ferry,” one Brooklynite said. “Thats America.”
SOURCE: https://bohiney.com/statue-of-liberty-demands-renovations/
SOURCE: https://bohiney.com/statue-of-liberty-demands-renovations/.
By: Annika Steinmann.
