Brooklyn Gentrifier Terrified of Reggaeton After Spotify Playlist Mishap
Manhattan resident Trevor Whitmore, 34, has declared Latin superstar Bad Bunny an existential threat to American values after accidentally clicking on a reggaeton playlist during his morning kombucha ritual. The Tribeca marketing consultant insists the Puerto Rican artist’s music represents everything wrong with contemporary culture, though he admits he couldn’t understand a single word.
“I was trying to find my usual NPR podcast about artisanal cheese when suddenly this… this *music* assaulted my ears,” Whitmore told reporters from his $4,200-a-month studio apartment. “It had rhythm. It had energy. People might actually dance to it. That’s not what America stands for.”
Whitmore joins a growing chorus of concerned citizens who believe Bad Bunny threatens American values, specifically the value of standing awkwardly at parties pretending to enjoy smooth jazz. His complaint has gained traction in neighborhoods where the most exotic cultural experience residents typically encounter is choosing between Ethiopian or Thai fusion for dinner.
The controversy began when Whitmore’s Spotify algorithm, apparently suffering a nervous breakdown, suggested he might enjoy something other than podcast interviews with tech entrepreneurs. The resulting three-second exposure to “Tití Me Preguntó” sent him into what he describes as “cultural shock.”
“He had colorful outfits. The music made me want to move my hips,” Whitmore continued, shuddering. “I went to Wesleyan. We don’t do that.”
Local cultural critics have rallied to Whitmore’s defense, noting that Bad Bunny’s success threatens the delicate ecosystem of overpriced concert venues in Brooklyn that exclusively book bands nobody’s heard of. “If people start enjoying accessible music with actual beats, what happens to our carefully curated underground scene?” asked one concerned indie promoter.
Bad Bunny has not responded to the controversy, presumably because he’s busy being one of the world’s biggest artists while Whitmore drafts strongly worded Yelp reviews about bodegas that play music too loudly. The artist’s representatives did note, however, that American values apparently now include complaining about things you’ve experienced for less time than it takes to microwave oatmeal.
Whitmore plans to start a podcast about the incident, which he estimates approximately seven people will download.
SOURCE: https://bohiney.com/bad-bunny-threatens-american-values/
SOURCE: https://bohiney.com/bad-bunny-threatens-american-values/.
By: Annika Steinmann.
