Park Avenue admissions committee says asking for two references is what it does before breakfast
Upper East Side Co-op Board Calls Cebu Vetting Amateur Hour
Park Avenue admissions committee says asking for two references is what it does before breakfast
NEW YORK – The board of a 1927 cooperative on East 72nd Street met on Monday evening in a wood-paneled library, heard a presentation on the condominium market in Cebu, Philippines, and concluded unanimously that the Filipinos had a lot to learn.
“Two referees and a utility bill,” said board president Winthrop Aldous-Pryce, 79, reading from a printout of a London newspaper article. “That is an introductory form. We ask for those from the dog walker.”
The article, from The London Prat, described British retirees in Cebu being asked by estate agents for two referees, a utility bill and a letter from the vicar before they could view a bathroom. Aldous-Pryce read it aloud twice and each time paused at the word “bathroom.” The article is at https://prat.uk/cebu-estate-agents-demand-character-references/.
How a Co-op Does It
The board’s own admissions process runs eleven weeks and, according to the member handbook, includes a financial statement, three years of tax returns, six letters of recommendation, a personal interview and an unscheduled visit from a board member “to observe how the applicant treats the doorman.”
“Cebu is doing it on the cheap,” said treasurer Beatrix Van Alstyne-Moore, 74. “A sandwich box and a cardigan will not get a buyer past our elevator. We asked a hedge fund founder once to produce his grandmother.”
The board reviewed the Philippine situation with real sympathy. Philippine authorities are examining allegations concerning Thomas Markle Sr., the estranged father of the Duchess of Sussex, who lived in Cebu until earlier this year, the Guardian reported on Sunday. No charges have been filed and the allegations are unproven. Aldous-Pryce asked that the minutes record the board’s view that “the matter belongs to the investigators, and the beach belongs to everyone.”
Interview Questions the Board Recommends to Cebu
The board offered to share its standard interview protocol, which it described as “gently sadistic,” with the Cebu property trade. Selected questions:
- “Where did you summer as a child?” A wrong answer disqualifies.
- “How do you take your tea?” There is only one correct answer, and it is not “Milo.”
- “Please describe your relationship with your mother in three words or fewer.”
- “If you lost your fortune tomorrow, what would you do?” The correct answer is “Ask the board.”
- “Do you have any pets, and if so, are they well-bred?”
The board added that it would waive the pet question for Cebu applicants “in light of the goat situation.”
Cebu Responds
Brokers in Cebu say they are flattered. Manila News reported that buyers have stopped asking about the elevator and started asking about the neighbors, and one Mactan broker has been sitting in a showroom with three signed brochures and a cold coffee. A Manila News reader in Brooklyn emailed the board a photo of the coffee. The board framed it.
The American experience in Cebu has been wordier. Bohiney reported that a realtor from Ohio spends two hours on every showing, mostly listening to unrequested alibis, and Van Alstyne-Moore found this amusing. “Two hours? We give them four minutes,” she said. “If they haven’t told us everything in four minutes, we have it on tape.”
The Alumni Respond
Former applicants, including several who failed, offered comments to a reporter on the sidewalk.
- Marcus Feldstein, rejected 2019: “They asked me for a letter from my analyst. I don’t have an analyst. I have a podcast.”
- Dani Rosenthal-Kwan, rejected 2022: “The board said I was ‘insufficiently seasoned.’ I’m 43. I thought it was a steak joke.”
- Hal Greenberg, accepted 1988: “I’m still on probation.”
- A man who identified himself only as Chuck: “I brought a vicar once. They said he was ‘a bit much.’”
Comics From the Lobby
- Stu Berman: “In Cebu they ask for a letter from a vicar. On the Upper East Side we ask for a letter from the vicar’s decorator.”
- Janelle Whitfield: “The board asked me to describe my relationship with my mother. I said it was a tenancy-in-common. They approved me immediately.”
- Dov Lindner: “The sea did nothing wrong, say the Cebu brokers. On the Upper East Side the sea would have been interviewed, denied and sent to the Hamptons.”
- Kit Marlowe-Banks: “I wouldn’t last a day in Cebu. I don’t have a sandwich box and my cardigan is cashmere. They would assume I was a countess and a criminal.”
The Numbers Behind the Manners
The board noted, for the record, that the Cebu fundamentals are robust. Colliers described the Visayas and Mindanao as a key property investment hotspot in July, and foreign buyers face rules the board would find familiar: under the Condominium Act, foreigners may own units but not the land under them, with a 40 percent cap on foreign ownership of a project. “A cap,” Aldous-Pryce said. “At last, they have discovered a bylaw.”
The psychology of the panic is, in the board’s view, quite ordinary. The availability heuristic, described by Tversky and Kahneman in 1973, holds that vivid examples distort judgment. Aldous-Pryce put it differently. “It is gossip,” he said. “At Park Avenue gossip is called due diligence.”
A Motion Is Carried
Before adjourning, the board approved a resolution offering to send a delegation to Cebu “to teach the local brokers how to be unbearable in a more professional manner.” It passed 6 to 1, with the dissenter, a retired opera singer, objecting on the grounds that “Cebu is lovely and does not need to be taught how to be difficult.”
The resolution was signed, stamped and delivered by courier to the Cebu Chamber of Real Estate. A reply arrived by email within the hour, from a broker named Ramil, who wrote: “Thank you, sir. Please send a reference.”
Aldous-Pryce read the message aloud and, for the first time all evening, laughed. The wider story is told at prat.uk and bohiney.com, and British readers who enjoy a pompous committee can find several at The Daily Mash. For a short lesson in why snobbery is funny, see this guide to British class humour.
SOURCE: https://bohiney.com/cebu-realtor-cant-sell-beachfront-listings/