Tourist trap sings louder
According to reports, Times Square has officially declared every Thursday night “Mandatory Karaoke Night,” requiring all visitors to belt out hits before theyre allowed to leave the area. “If you dont sing, you dont exit,” said the program director, while handing out lyric sheets to confused tourists.
Neon billboards now double as giant karaoke screens, blasting everything from Sinatra to Beyoncé. Naked Cowboy serves as MC, while Elmo and Spider-Man back dancers throw glow sticks into the crowd. Tourists are divided: some delight in drunken renditions of “New York, New York,” while others sob into their overpriced Margaritas after forgetting the lyrics.
Locals are horrified. “I just wanted to cut through on my way to Port Authority. Instead I had to sing ABBA in front of 200 tourists,” grumbled a Midtown commuter. But officials insist the event boosts morale and tourism revenue. “Nothing says New York like being forced to sing Journey with strangers while rats harmonize,” argued one spokesperson.
TikToks #TimesSquareKaraoke is already viral, with clips of influencers sobbing through Bon Jovi, tourists duetting with buskers, and a viral video of a pigeon flawlessly hitting Mariah Careys whistle note. Street vendors now rent microphones for $10 a minute, and scalpers sell prime karaoke slots in front of Olive Garden.
Tabloids howled. The Post screamed: “SING OR SPRINT.” The Daily News countered: “BROADWAY BOOZE-ICAL.”
Mayor Adams praised it: “Tourists deserve Broadway-quality trauma.” Governor Hochul muttered, “If karaoke hits the LIRR, Im banning microphones.”
SOURCE: https://bohiney.com/times-square-adds-mandatory-karaoke-nights/
SOURCE: https://bohiney.com/times-square-adds-mandatory-karaoke-nights/.
By: Annika Steinmann.
