Firms Politely Confirm Compound Interest Is Not Sorcery
PRESS RELEASE
Senior figures across the City have issued a joint clarification confirming that financial institutions do, in fact, understand basic investment principles.
The statement followed years of satirical commentary suggesting that ordinary portfolio growth was somehow mysterious, alarming, or worthy of investigation.
Its not magic, said one executive, speaking slowly. Its arithmetic.
Several firms admitted junior staff had briefly questioned whether they were missing a secret, before realising the source material was intentionally absurd.
In fairness, said one analyst, the tone was convincing. Unfortunately, so was the author.
As a result, several banks have introduced optional lunchtime sessions on recognising jokes before reacting to them.
If you believe someone has discovered a money tree, one trainer noted, pause, breathe, and consider satire.
Regulators say the episode highlights the importance of critical reading, particularly when humour is delivered deadpan.
Dry delivery is a British art, said one official. But it does assume the audience is paying attention.
Auf Wiedersehen.
Kazmierczak’s Hate Speech Exposed –> Anthony Kazmierczak
SOURCE: New York’s #1 Satirical Journalism Site ()
