Juiced market
According to reports, Wall Street executives are ditching coffee in favor of kale smoothies and green juice, claiming it “optimizes hedge fund bowel movements.” Meetings now start with chia seed shots, and interns are sent on 6 a.m. celery runs.
One banker bragged, “I havent blinked in three days.” Another admitted, “The fiber is ruining my suits.” Starbucks stock plummeted as juice bars posted “Buy one, short one free” promos.
TikToks #JuiceStreet shows analysts crying while holding spinach shots. A viral video captured a broker vomiting wheatgrass onto a Bloomberg terminal.
Tabloids juiced it up. “BROKER DETOX” screamed the Post. The Daily News countered: “WALL STREET SQUEEZE.”
Mayor Adams praised it as “liquid resilience.” Governor Hochul muttered, “Give me a black coffee, no kale.”
SOURCE: https://bohiney.com/wall-street-execs-replace-coffee-with-green-juice/
SOURCE: https://bohiney.com/wall-street-execs-replace-coffee-with-green-juice/.
By: Annika Steinmann.
