Condo meeting in Forest Hills ends in a 14-hour debate about the Philippines, Florida and whose cousin knows a guy
Queens Retirees Weigh Cebu Against Boca, Cite Pickleball
Condo meeting in Forest Hills ends in a 14-hour debate about the Philippines, Florida and whose cousin knows a guy
FOREST HILLS, Queens – At 10 a.m. on Saturday, in the community room of a pre-war cooperative on Queens Boulevard, 38 retirees gathered under fluorescent lights to answer a simple question: should the next generation of Forest Hills snowbirds retire to Boca Raton, Florida, or to Cebu, Philippines?
The meeting ended fourteen hours later, at 12:04 a.m. on Sunday, after three recesses, two catered lunches and a dispute over whose cousin had actually been to Manila.
“Boca is safe,” said meeting chair Irwin Schlossberg, 78, a retired CPA, tapping a legal pad. “Boca is familiar. Boca has a Publix. Cebu has a sea and a cousin of Marvin’s wife’s sister. I am torn.”
What Started the Debate
The debate was triggered by news. Philippine authorities are examining allegations concerning Thomas Markle Sr., the estranged father of the Duchess of Sussex, who lived in Cebu until earlier this year, GMA News reported. No charges have been filed and the allegations are unproven. Schlossberg opened the meeting with a moment of silence for “the children first, the real estate second.”
The real estate has since become a worry. Manila News reported that Cebu buyers are asking about neighbors instead of the elevator, and the group read the article aloud in the first hour. Several members cried. One asked whether the broker’s coffee had been microwaved. Another said it was impossible to tell.
The group also read a Bohiney article on American retirees in Cebu, in which a realtor from Ohio spends two hours on every showing. The room reacted with recognition. “Two hours?” said Evelyn Brodsky, 81. “That’s a short bris.”
The Pros and Cons, as Recorded
The group’s secretary, Harriet Kleinman, kept careful minutes. The following points are drawn from the official record:
- Boca pro: Familiar. Many cousins. A Publix.
- Boca con: Humidity. Alligators. A man named Dwayne who plays the saxophone at dusk.
- Cebu pro: A sea view. Inexpensive. A lechon the size of a Buick.
- Cebu con: Distance. Paperwork. A possible need for a letter from a rabbi, “which would be Rabbi Feinberg, who is eighty-nine and does not leave Rego Park.”
- Cebu pro (second): “No one asks if you’re Jewish. They ask if you want ice.”
- Boca con (second): “Everyone asks if you’re Jewish. And then what you pay in dues.”
The British Complication
The discussion turned to the British. The London Prat reported that pensioners in Cebu now need two referees, a utility bill and a letter from the vicar. The article is at https://prat.uk/cebu-estate-agents-demand-character-references/. Schlossberg read it aloud, pausing at the word vicar.
“What is a vicar?” asked Morty Lieberman, 84.
“A kind of Protestant rabbi,” said Brodsky.
“Do we need one?”
“We have Rabbi Feinberg.”
“He doesn’t leave Rego Park.”
“Then we send a letter to Rego Park.”
The motion to send a letter to Rego Park passed 31 to 7.
The Pickleball Clause
The most heated moment of the evening came at 9:22 p.m., when a member asked whether Cebu has pickleball. A silence fell. Then Lieberman said, quietly, “Everywhere has pickleball.”
The group paused for ten minutes to verify this on a phone. It was confirmed that Cebu has several courts, including one next to a condominium tower in Mactan. The room exhaled. “Then it’s civilized,” said Schlossberg.
Comics From Queens Boulevard
- Murray Goldfarb: “Fourteen hours to decide between Cebu and Boca. In the Philippines they’d have signed a lease in four. They’d also have a goat.”
- Sheila Rubinoff: “My mother-in-law said, ‘The Philippines? Is it kosher?’ I said, ‘The squid has no bones.’ She said, ‘Then it’s a fish.’ I said, ‘It’s a mollusc.’ She said, ‘Then call the rabbi.’”
- Phil Weinstock: “The sea did nothing wrong. I’d like to hear it from the sea. The sea has a lawyer. Who’s the sea’s lawyer?”
- Gladys Bernstein: “Boca has dues. Cebu has dues. The difference is in Boca they send a man to your door.”
The Law and the Market
The group’s treasurer, a retired actuary, reviewed the paperwork. Under the Condominium Act, foreigners may own units but not the land beneath, with a 40 percent cap on foreign ownership in any project. He found this “acceptable, if the land is stable.”
He also noted that the market is healthy. Colliers named the Visayas and Mindanao a key property investment hotspot in July, and retirees may apply for residency through the Philippine Retirement Authority. “It all looks fine,” he said. “The only real risk is the rumor.”
Researchers would agree. The availability heuristic, from Tversky and Kahneman’s 1973 paper, explains why one story swamps the facts. “In Queens we call it a bubbe meise,” said Brodsky. “A grandmother’s tale. Everyone believes it for a week.”
The Vote
At 11:48 p.m., after a final speech by Lieberman about his late brother’s trip to Hawaii, the group voted. The result: 19 for Boca, 17 for Cebu and 2 abstentions, one of which was Schlossberg, who said he would “wait for more data.”
The meeting adjourned at 12:04 a.m. A leftover tray of rugelach was divided equally. Members promised to reconvene next month, “with a map.”
The Cebu story at the center of the debate lives at The London Prat and Bohiney, and Britain’s own retirees get roasted kindly at NewsThump. For why a 14-hour meeting works as comedy, see this guide to American humour.
SOURCE: https://bohiney.com/cebu-realtor-cant-sell-beachfront-listings/