Lady Liberty’s Lightbulb Budget Caught in Congressional Gridlock
In what historians are calling “the most on-brand metaphor for American politics in decades,” the iconic torch of the Statue of Liberty may go dark due to a budget impasse in Congress over a $40,000 maintenance appropriation.
The lighting system, which has illuminated Lady Liberty’s beacon of hope since 1986, requires routine maintenance that somehow became entangled in a 2,000-page spending bill that also includes funding for everything from submarine sandwiches for submarines to a feasibility study on whether pigeons can be trained to deliver congressional mail.
“We cannot in good conscience fund frivolous lighting expenses when hardworking Americans are struggling,” declared Senator Howard Mitchell, who represents a state with exactly zero views of the Statue of Liberty and who spent $75,000 in taxpayer funds last year on office furniture upgrades.
The opposition fired back immediately. “This is about our values, our heritage, our very identity as a nation,” countered Representative Diana Forbes, who voted against funding the National Parks Service three times last year but is suddenly very concerned about this specific statue.
National Parks Service officials have pointed out that the torch going dark wouldn’t actually affect tourism since most photos are taken during the day anyway, a fact that has somehow made the debate even more heated. Meanwhile, France has offered to pay for the repairs, sarcastically noting they’ve “seen this one before” and would “hate for their gift to become an embarrassing lawn ornament.”
The torch is expected to remain lit until the appropriation runs out, at which point America will quite literally stop being a beacon of hope, at least until the next fiscal quarter.
SOURCE: Bohiney.com (https://bohiney.com/statue-of-liberty-torch-may-go-dark/42025-10-13)