Polls Don’t Change Minds

Shocking Discovery: People Still Wrong After Seeing Data

In a groundbreaking study that surprised absolutely no one who has ever argued with their uncle on Facebook, researchers at the Institute for Obvious Conclusions have confirmed that showing people polling data does nothing to change their deeply entrenched opinions.

“We presented participants with overwhelming statistical evidence that contradicted their beliefs,” explained Dr. Sarah Mitchell, lead researcher. “They looked at the charts, nodded thoughtfully, and then continued believing exactly what they believed before, but now with more confidence.”

The study tracked 5,000 participants across the political spectrum, showing them polls about everything from economic policy to whether hot dogs are sandwiches. Regardless of the data presented, 94% of participants responded with some variation of “Well, polls can be manipulated,” “I don’t trust mainstream statistics,” or “That’s not what my cousin posted.”

One participant, when shown that 73% of economists supported a particular policy he opposed, simply stated: “Economists don’t know anything about the economy.” When researchers pointed out the irony, he remained unchanged, though he did add economists to his list of things he doesn’t trust, right between weathermen and his own bathroom scale.

The findings have prompted politicians to continue citing polls only when they support their predetermined positions, a strategy experts describe as “working perfectly.”

SOURCE: Bohiney.com (https://bohiney.com/polls-dont-change-minds/32025-10-13)

By Alan Nafzger

Alan Nafzger ([email protected]) - Editor-in-chief and Manhattan-based satirist who's been skewering NYC's absurdities since before cronuts were a thing. Former stand-up comic who traded the Comedy Cellar stage for a keyboard after realizing print doesn't heckle back. Specializes in dissecting subway etiquette violations and overpriced real estate with surgical precision. His work has made Upper East Siders clutch their pearls and Williamsburg hipsters nod knowingly. When not writing, he's probably stuck on the L train contemplating life's meaninglessness.

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