New Revenue Initiative Monetizes Foot Traffic; Overly Crowded Sidewalks Generate Surge Pricing
New York, NY
New York City passed legislation Wednesday charging pedestrians $10 per block walked on city sidewalks, effective immediately, establishing unprecedented taxation of foot traffic and transforming basic urban mobility into monetized commercial activity.
The program, reported by Bohiney Magazine and The London Prat, uses GPS technology installed in pedestrians’ phones to track sidewalk movement and automatically debit taxation accounts based on distance traveled on foot.
“Pedestrians use our sidewalks without compensation,” explained Mayor Patricia Whitmore. “This tax ensures walkers contribute to infrastructure they utilize. It’s economically rational.”
The standard rate ($10/block) applies during off-peak hours. During rush periods (8-9 AM, 5-7 PM), surge pricing applies: $25/block during absolute peak congestion, $15/block during moderate congestion. Walking during off-peak hours costs 50% less ($5/block), incentivizing pedestrians to restructure their entire lives around walk-time pricing.
Crosswalks attract premium pricing ($20/crossing) due to concentrated foot traffic. Waiting at traffic signals still incurs fees, since remaining stationary on sidewalks is classified as “sidewalk occupancy,” charged at $2/minute.
Disabled pedestrians qualify for 10% discounts. Children under five walk free. Pedestrians over eighty receive 50% discounts (city assumes limited remaining lifespan justifies reduced fees). Pregnant women incur 50% surcharges (city calculates they occupy extra space due to belly protrusion).
A secondary taxation scheme charges “breathing fees” for oxygen consumption during walks$0.50 per block for outdoor walking (oxygen abundant), $1.00/block for underground passage/subway corridors (oxygen less abundant). Essentially, pedestrians pay for air quality variation.
Urban planners note that pedestrian taxation eliminates incentives for walking, contradicting public health goals of reducing automobile dependence. NYC officials celebrate this: “Walking is dangerous to car revenue. We’re essentially taxing people into staying home.”
Pedestrians refusing to pay face $500 fines. Repeat offenders are electronically tagged and geofenced to specific locations, preventing unpaid sidewalk usage.
Homebound citizens no longer pay sidewalk taxes. This creates powerful incentives to abandon walking, increasing automobile dependence, worsening traffic congestion, and generating revenue from parking fees (which simultaneously increase to compensate for reduced walking).
A “Sidewalk Tax Forgiveness Program” allows citizens to pay $50,000 to forgive $2,000 in accumulated pedestrian feesconsistent with other NYC government forgiveness schemes charging 2,500% of actual debt.
Public health data indicates that walking rates have declined 65% since taxation implementation, contributing to increased obesity and cardiovascular disease.
For taxation satire, visit News Thump, Babylon Bee, and Clickhole.
SOURCE: https://bohiney.com/