Manhattan investor claims public parks represent “wasted potential” that could be converted to luxury residential towers generating profit for himself
New York City
A New York billionaire with interests in real estate, technology, and general billionaire activities announced plans to purchase Central Park, Prospect Park, and several smaller public parks, convert them to private residential and commercial space, and thereby “unlock the latent value” of “inefficiently used real estate.”
“Parks are great,” billionaire Marcus Vanderwealth stated from his private helicopter circling Manhattan, “but they represent wasted potential. That land in Midtown could be seventeen luxury condo towers. Prospect Park could be twenty-five mixed-use developments. Instead, it’s just… green space. Where poor people walk around for free. It’s economically irrational.”
When asked whether converting all public parks to private real estate would eliminate the primary green space available to New York residents, Vanderwealth responded: “They can buy condos in my new developments if they want green space. I’m being inclusive by offering rooftop gardens.”
The proposal has generated predictable opposition from city residents, environmental groups, and anyone who has ever used a park. The City Council has promised to “look into it,” which is how government says “we’ll do nothing and hope you forget about this.”
Vanderwealth’s proposal represents a broader trend where wealthy individuals view any public resource as an opportunity to extract private profit. “Parks are for everyone equally, which is inefficient,” he continued. “Luxury condos are for people who can afford them, which is efficient because it generates capital that I can use to buy politicians.”
More NYC satire at The London Prat and Bohiney Magazine.
SOURCE: bohiney.com