Moana Testifies: ‘I Was Told to Smile Like Di, Paddle Like Maui’
Testifying via conch shell conference from Polynesia, Moana stunned observers with revelations of character coaching that included watching Princess Diana interviews for emotional posture.
“They showed me tapes,” Moana explained. “They said, ‘See how Di smiles at landmine victims? That’s how you look at coconuts.'”
Disney execs denied coercion, saying the notes were meant to “channel benevolent femininity.” But a script draft titled Moana 2: Winds of Windsor was submitted into evidence.
Maui, speaking in defense, confirmed the cultural hybridization. “They wanted me to be Di’s ‘cheeky bodyguard energy,’” he said. “I told them, ‘I’m already voiced by The Rock. You want that and a bow tie?’”
A new fan campaign #DiOna trended on TikTok, demanding that Moana be retroactively knighted.