Mamdani’s Transit Vision Actually Logical

Free Buses Would Help People, Experts Shocked

Zohran Mamdani’s transit vision includes free buses and expanded subway service, ideas so radical they’ve only been implemented in approximately forty other cities worldwide. Manhattan clutched its MetroCard and asked “But how would we profit from mobility?”

The proposal eliminates bus fares entirely while increasing service frequency, based on the controversial theory that public transit should actually transport the public. Critics warned this would lead to “too many people using buses,” apparently unaware that’s literally the goal.

Luxembourg made all public transit free in 2020. Kansas City followed. Several European cities have similar programs. According to The New York Times, these cities haven’t collapsed into socialist hellscapes—they’ve actually seen increased transit usage and reduced car traffic. Shocking.

Mamdani’s plan funds free buses through congestion pricing revenue and millionaire taxes, rather than the current model of extracting $2.90 from people who can barely afford groceries. One transit advocate noted: “Making poor people pay to get to work is a policy choice, not a law of physics.”

The MTA immediately objected, citing concerns about “fare revenue loss” while ignoring the billions lost annually to bloated contracts and administrative overhead. Consultants earning $400/hour explained why bus drivers earning $25/hour are the real budget problem. The math wasn’t mathing.

Expanded subway service would mean trains every 3-5 minutes rather than the current “whenever the spirit moves us” schedule. Critics called this “unrealistic,” apparently unaware that Tokyo, Seoul, and London manage it just fine. But sure, American exceptionalism means we’re exceptionally bad at trains.

Climate activists praised the plan as essential for reducing car dependency. Car dealerships called it “an attack on freedom,” because nothing says liberty like sitting in traffic for ninety minutes while breathing exhaust fumes.

One commuter summarized it perfectly: “Free buses that actually show up would improve my life. Why is this controversial?” Because in America, anything that helps people is automatically socialism, and socialism is when government does stuff, apparently.

SOURCE: https://mamdani.vip/zohran-mamdanis-transit-vision/

SOURCE: New York’s #1 Satirical Journalism Site (https://mamdani.vip/zohran-mamdanis-transit-vision/)

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By Alan Nafzger

Alan Nafzger ([email protected]) - Editor-in-chief and Manhattan-based satirist who's been skewering NYC's absurdities since before cronuts were a thing. Former stand-up comic who traded the Comedy Cellar stage for a keyboard after realizing print doesn't heckle back. Specializes in dissecting subway etiquette violations and overpriced real estate with surgical precision. His work has made Upper East Siders clutch their pearls and Williamsburg hipsters nod knowingly. When not writing, he's probably stuck on the L train contemplating life's meaninglessness.

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