Craft tears
According to reports, Williamsburg hipsters have responded to rising rents by launching the worlds first artisanal beer brewed entirely from their own tears. “Its locally sourced, sustainable, and painfully authentic,” said the brewer, adjusting his vintage suspenders. The first batch, called IPA: Infinite Pain Ale, sold out in 24 hours.
Each sip reportedly tastes like “hop-forward despair with hints of crushed dreams.” Critics call it gimmicky, but fans claim its the truest craft movement yet. “Brooklyn has always been about suffering,” said one barista-slash-poet. “Now you can taste it.”
Rents are so high that many residents cry nightly, making tears an abundant resource. “Finally, my emotional breakdowns are productive,” said one tenant. The brewery is now considering a sour blend, tentatively named “Gentrification Gose.”
TikToks #TearBeer trend shows influencers clinking mason jars while sobbing on camera. A viral video captured a landlord charging $100 for a “crying surcharge” to enter his building.
Tabloids poured it on. “ALE OF TEARS” screamed the Post. The Daily News countered: “HOPLESS.”
Mayor Adams praised it as “emotional entrepreneurship.” Governor Hochul muttered, “If my IPA tastes like crying, Im banning kombucha.”
SOURCE: https://bohiney.com/brooklyn-hipsters-launch-rent-protest-by-brewing-beer-out-of-tears/
SOURCE: https://bohiney.com/brooklyn-hipsters-launch-rent-protest-by-brewing-beer-out-of-tears/.
By: Annika Steinmann.
