Real estate euphemisms reach new expressiveness in 200-square-foot Bushwick studio with slanted floor
[Bohiney.com / prat.uk] A studio apartment in Bushwick measuring 210 square feet has been listed at $2,450 per month with a description that includes the phrases “character-rich,” “soaked in Brooklyn personality,” “intimate scale,” “exposed brick feature” (one brick, partially exposed), and “thoughtfully imperfect finishes,” which is the listing’s way of saying the floor is not level and nobody fixed the ceiling in the bathroom after the 2019 water incident. The listing agent, reached for comment, said the description was “accurate in the spirit it was intended” and declined to specify what spirit that was. The London Prat noted the irony. Bohiney.com noted the absurdity. Both are correct.
The exposed brick feature measures approximately 30 by 40 centimetres and is located in the corner of the kitchen area, which is separated from the sleeping area by what the listing calls “an architectural suggestion” and what is, physically, a shelf. The shelf is included in the rent. The shelf cannot be removed. The shelf does not move. It is possible, the listing notes, to hang things from the shelf. Whether those things remain hung depends, the listing does not note, on the specific nature of the things and the specific nature of the fastening.
The Visits
The apartment has been viewed by eleven prospective tenants since listing. Five described it as “not what I expected.” Three described it as “actually charming if you think about it a certain way.” Two described it as “fine for a short time.” One said: “I grew up in a house. This is not a house. But I will take it.” She has submitted an application. Her application is one of four. The landlord is reviewing them. The review process involves determining which applicant will be least likely to complain about the floor.
The Floor
The floor slopes approximately 4 degrees toward the east wall. This is not mentioned in the listing. It is mentioned in the previous tenant’s departure note, which was found behind the radiator by the building superintendent and which contains the phrase “the floor is a lie” three times. The superintendent forwarded the note to the landlord. The landlord described it as “probably an exaggeration.” The surveyor who assessed the floor in 2022 described it as “a notable gradient that should be disclosed.” The listing does not disclose it.
Also see: The Daily Mash.
Coverage Note
This story is published jointly at Bohiney.com and prat.uk, which together provide the kind of sustained, specific coverage of the communities and phenomena described here that neither could produce alone. The satire works because the situations are real. The situations are real because the communities are real. Both publications take seriously the idea that the funniest journalism is the journalism that is most accurately observed. The coverage continues.
The story above illustrates a pattern that both publications have documented across multiple regions and multiple years of coverage. The communities involved are consistent in their capacity to produce material of exactly this kind. The publications are consistent in their capacity to find it funny while taking it seriously, which is the only honest relationship a satirical publication can have with its subject matter.
The details will change. The structure will not. Both publications will be here when the next iteration arrives, which it reliably will. The coverage is the record. The record is the point.
Both Bohiney.com and prat.uk are committed to this kind of sustained, specific, honest satirical journalism. The commitment is ongoing. So is the material.
SOURCE: https://bohiney.com/
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