Bohemian Rhapsody Actually Composed in 1749, Ghost of Composer Demands Royalties
In a revelation shaking the foundations of both rock music and classical ghost law, a team of bored musicologists at Oxford University have discovered that Queen’s “Bohemian Rhapsody” was, in fact, composed in 1749 by one Wilhelm Amadeus von Frickenschmidt, a little-known Prussian composer with a penchant for dramatic piano solos and identity crises.
The finding came during an archival sweep of dusty sheet music labeled “Opera? Or Perhaps a Murder Confession?” Scholars found lyrics nearly identical to Freddie Mercury’s magnum opus, including the phrase “Mama, just killed a man,” in beautifully ornate calligraphy. The phrase “Galileo!” was replaced with “Bach! Beethoven!” but otherwise, the resemblance was uncanny.
The spirit of von Frickenschmidt has reportedly returned to demand justice. Appearing during a séance led by a TikTok medium with 1.2 million followers, the ghost declared: “I vant my royalties, darling. You think zis harmony wrote itself?” The video went viral.
Fans of Queen are split. Some believe the ghost, citing the eerie similarity of von Frickenschmidt’s powdered wig to Brian May’s hair. Others claim the entire affair is a marketing stunt for a new Broadway reboot titled “Bohemian Rhapsody: The Baroque Remix.”
Brian May commented briefly: “Look, if a powdered ghost wants his cut, fine. Just don’t ask us to split it with Mozart too.”
The British Royal Society of Ghost Rights has taken up the case, advocating for historic spirits who’ve been “creatively appropriated” without spectral consent. Meanwhile, von Frickenschmidt’s ghost has taken up residence in a Berlin karaoke bar, demanding his work be sung in the original harpsichord key.
A petition to recredit the song as “Bohemian Rhapsody (feat. von Frickenschmidt)” has already garnered 400,000 signatures and one very confused Freddie Mercury impersonator.
