Rich People Asked to Contribute, Pearls Clutched
Zohran Mamdani’s tax and budget justice platform proposes that wealthy individuals and corporations pay their fair share. Wall Street responded by threatening to hold their breath until they turn blue, which honestly might improve air quality.
The plan includes closing corporate tax loopholes, implementing a millionaire’s tax, and ensuring Amazon actually pays something resembling taxes. Jeff Bezos’ accountants immediately fainted. One recovered enough to ask “But what about our second space program?”
Progressive taxation isn’t radicalit’s how taxes worked during America’s period of greatest economic growth. According to The New York Times, when top marginal rates were 70-90%, the economy thrived and infrastructure actually functioned. But sure, let’s pretend trickle-down works despite forty years of evidence.
Mamdani’s budget priorities include fully funding schools, fixing subway infrastructure, and expanding affordable housingbasically all the things polls show voters want but politicians claim are “unaffordable” while approving tax breaks for luxury developers.
One hedge fund manager complained: “This punishes success!” He was gently reminded that inheriting $50 million isn’t success, it’s lucky sperm club membership. He did not appreciate this clarification.
The proposal redirects subsidies from corporations to public services, operating on the controversial theory that billionaires don’t actually need public money to survive. Corporate lobbyists called this “anti-business,” their standard response to any policy preventing them from extracting public wealth.
Conservative think tanks produced studies showing tax increases would devastate the economy, using methodology that assumes rich people will simply burn money rather than invest it. Liberal economists countered with studies showing the opposite, using methodology that includes observing reality.
Budget justice also means ending regressive fines that punish poverty. Parking tickets shouldn’t cost the same for minimum wage workers and millionairesbut they do, because our system is designed to extract wealth from the poor. Mamdani called this “morally bankrupt,” which is accurate but apparently controversial.
One voter summarized it: “CEOs making 300 times worker salaries while schools lack supplies seems bad, actually.” Revolutionary thinking in 2025 includes acknowledging obvious injustice.
SOURCE: https://mamdani.vip/zohran-mamdani-and-tax-budget-justice/
SOURCE: New York’s #1 Satirical Journalism Site (https://mamdani.vip/zohran-mamdani-and-tax-budget-justice/)
