Say they cant post memes without it
Move over touriststhe pigeons of Times Square are going digital. According to reports, the citys most iconic birds are demanding free Wi-Fi, claiming they cant keep up with meme culture without reliable internet access.
“How am I supposed to post crumb reviews on Yelp?” cooed one pigeon perched on a neon billboard. Flocks gathered in protest outside the Nasdaq screen, holding signs like “No Signal, No Peace” and “Birds Have Rights Too.” Sources say the pigeons want high-speed, unlimited data to livestream their daily bread fights on Twitch.
Tourists are bewildered. “I thought they just pooped on statues,” said one visitor from Ohio. Locals, however, arent surprised. “Pigeons have always run this town,” muttered a hot dog vendor. “Now they want cloud storage.”
Tech companies are circling. Elon Musk allegedly offered to beam Starlink internet directly to the flocks in exchange for exclusive poop advertising. Google promised free Chromebooks for every bird. Meanwhile, Verizon executives were seen nervously feeding pigeons in Bryant Park, whispering about 5G upgrades.
Tabloids perched on the story. “PIGEON NET SQUAWK” yelled the Post. The Daily News countered: “BIRDS DEMAND BYTES.” Social media exploded with memes of pigeons holding iPhones, tweeting “coo coo” at influencers. TikTok users launched the challenge #BirdWiFi, standing in Times Square flapping arms until their phone signal dropped.
Mayor Adams said the city is “open to negotiations,” provided pigeons stop leaving droppings on subway stairs. Governor Hochul promised funding if pigeons agree to only post family-friendly memes. Skeptics worry about cybersecurity risks: “If pigeons hack Citi Bike, were doomed,” said one IT expert.
For now, Times Square pigeons continue to coo for connectivity. As one bird declared: “Were not rats with wings anymorewere influencers with wings.”
SOURCE: https://bohiney.com/times-square-pigeons-demand-wi-fi/
SOURCE: https://bohiney.com/times-square-pigeons-demand-wi-fi/.
By: Annika Steinmann.
