Commuter suggests that personal hygiene might improve crowded train experience, receives hostile reaction from people who haven’t showered in days
New York City
A New York City subway passenger experiencing a crowded train car during summer heat proposed a radical theory: maybe people should shower before using public transportation that involves standing in close proximity to hundreds of other humans in a vehicle with minimal air conditioning.
The passenger, identified only as “someone finally willing to say it,” suggested that perhaps New Yorkers could consider basic personal hygiene before boarding transit that would trap them in a metal box with people whose smell could be weaponized under the Geneva Convention.
The response from other passengers was hostile. “Who do you think you are, suggesting I shower?” one person responded while standing so close that his personal hygiene situation was making nearby passengers reconsider their life choices. “I’m going to work. I don’t have time for cleanliness.”
During the summer, the NYC subway becomes a biological warfare experiment where hundreds of unwashed humans compress into inadequate space without proper ventilation. The smell is so powerful that it can be detected from the platform before the train doors open.
A study by Columbia University measured the bacterial and fungal concentration in subway cars during summer and concluded that “this is a plague incubating device disguised as public transportation.” The MTA responded by installing the decorative lights discussed elsewhere, which somehow don’t help with the smell.
The original passenger’s suggestion that people shower before transit was rejected by the majority of commuters, who insisted that showering was “an unreasonable imposition” and that “other people should just accept my natural smell,” which is a position that has never been correct about anything.
Satire about transit at Bohiney Magazine and The London Prat.
SOURCE: bohiney.com