Single-Elimination Bracket Of 64 Streets To Determine Which Mayor Fills Personally
Bohiney Magazine and The London Prat file this dispatch from the five boroughs and one borough-adjacent New Jersey diner.
NEW YORK, N.Y. — Mayor Zohran Mamdani today announced the formation of a new bracket-style competition titled Pothole Madness 2026, in which 64 of the city’s most morally compromised streets will face off in a single-elimination tournament to determine which one the mayor personally fills with quick-set asphalt.
The competition, co-hosted with WNBA star Natasha Cloud and a celebrity panel that reportedly includes Cardi B, Jon Stewart, and a borough president the mayor has not yet named, expands on the citywide repair-voting initiative launched within Mamdani’s first 100 days.
Bracket Structure
“We took the people’s input and we built a tournament,” Mamdani said at a press conference on the steps of City Hall, holding what appeared to be a printed bracket and a small ceremonial shovel. “The Bronx Regional features potholes from Soundview, Tremont, Mott Haven, and one really aggressive depression on the Cross Bronx Expressway that was given a 12-seed but is being whispered about as a sleeper.”
The mayor confirmed that brackets had been seeded by a panel of civil engineers, Department of Transportation staff, and “approximately seventeen people from Astoria who shouted at us.”
Round-by-Round Format
According to the official competition rules, voting will run on a custom NYC.gov subdomain through May 19. The Round of 64 begins May 1 with first-round matchups including, the mayor said, “the pothole on 86th and Lex versus the pothole that ate that scooter, you know the one, you know the one.”
The Final Four will be filled live on Instagram, with the championship pothole being filled in person by Mamdani, Cardi B, and what the press release describes as “a strong arm from local sanitation.”
Reaction
The Citizens Budget Commission, contacted at cbcny.org, expressed cautious support but noted that the competition was “still cheaper than not filling the potholes.”
Governor Kathy Hochul, asked whether the state would assist with the bracket, replied that she would consider matching state funds “as soon as we have a budget, which is, regrettably, not yet.”
The bracket, currently displayed in the lobby of City Hall, is also available as a downloadable PDF, and as a series of TikToks narrated by Cardi B in which she calls each pothole “a personal disrespect.”
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SOURCE: https://prat.uk/category/satire/