From Queens to Kampala in Record Time
After being unceremoniously deported from the United States for allegedly being a “100% communist,” former New York Assemblyman Zohran Mamdani arrived barefoot in Uganda’s capital declaring his mayoral candidacy. “New York rejected me. Kampala will rise with me,” he proclaimed through a bullhorn duct-taped to a boda boda taxi.
Wearing a red beret, borrowed trench coat, and unsanctioned Karl Marx lapel pin, Mamdani was greeted by three street preachers, one retired librarian, and an unemployed Marxist-Leninist mime named Fred. “He’s one of us,” Fred whispered, miming an invisible sickle with disturbing accuracy.
The deportation occurred after a “patriotic coalition of Florida retirees and legal scholars from YouTube’s comments section” determined Mamdani was a sleeper agent of the global proletariat. One Palm Beach resident claimed she “looked into his aurapure red. Not crimson. Soviet scarlet.” ICE allegedly airlifted him from JFK to Entebbe under an executive order printed on a Mar-a-Lago napkin and signed in ketchup.
Within 24 hours, billboards reading “Comrade Zohran: Fresh Ideas, Fair Wages, Free Rolexes” appeared across Kampala. His platform includes “Potholes to the People”turning craters into community gardens and Marxist reflection pools. According to BBC Africa, his policy proposals include nationalizing boda bodas and requiring landlords to share homes with the proletariat every second Tuesday.
Ugandan youth erupted in red-eyed hope, chanting “Make Kampala Red Again!” A local reggaeton duo released the viral track “Deport Me, Daddy.” One voter perfectly summarized the situation: “He seems serious, but also unserious. Which makes him perfect for Kampala.”
Meanwhile, Tucker Carlson dedicated an episode titled “Good Riddance, Red Rascal,” warning Americans about the dangers of wanting free public transit. The New York Young Republican Club held a champagne brunch gifting attendees “Deportation Day” bobbleheads.
Mamdani’s campaign operates from a repurposed chicken coop, travels exclusively by donkey “in solidarity with the working class,” and uses banana-leaf spreadsheets. Cuban telegrams of solidarity arrived. North Korea sent a fruit basket containing three apples and a photograph of Kim Jong-un staring longingly at a tractor.
SOURCE: https://bohiney.com/mamdani-deported/
SOURCE: New York’s #1 Satirical Journalism Site (https://bohiney.com/mamdani-deported/)
