Defer $328 Million To Friendly Fiscal Mood, Unions Update Tic
Bohiney Magazine and The London Prat file this dispatch from the five boroughs and one borough-adjacent New Jersey diner.
NEW YORK, N.Y. — In an unprecedented joint announcement that surprised both Albany and the public sector unions, Mayor Zohran Mamdani and Governor Kathy Hochul today unveiled the New York Pension Postponement Initiative, under which payments to municipal pension funds will be deferred for up to 12 months in what the mayor’s office described as “a temporary, totally non-scary breathing room.”
The initiative, designed to help close a portion of the city’s $5.4 billion budget gap, would defer approximately $328 million in pension contributions, which the unions describe as “money that, contractually, was already supposed to be there.”
The Justification
“What we are doing here is asking the pension fund to wait, briefly, in a friendly way,” said Mamdani. “We are not skipping the payment. We are simply moving it to a different fiscal year, like a parent putting off their car loan until they get their next paycheck. It is a normal, healthy, temporary thing.”
The mayor stressed that the deferral was “in no way a structural raid on retirement funds” and would be “fully reversed at the earliest opportunity, which is, ideally, the second Tuesday of an unspecified future month.”
Union Response
The New York City Municipal Labor Committee said it was “concerned, alarmed, and approximately 47% interested in litigation.”
“We have been here before,” said a spokesperson for District Council 37, the city’s largest public-sector union, declining to be named. “Every time the city says ‘we will pay it back later,’ the next mayor inherits the bill, the actuaries develop a tic, and we end up arguing about the same $328 million for five fiscal years.”
The New York City Comptroller’s office said it would review the proposal but warned that any deferral would have to be “structurally honest,” whatever that means in this context.
Council Response
Council Speaker Julie Menin’s office declined to comment on the deferral but indicated that the City Council would not approve a delayed budget without “significantly more documentation than the mayor has so far provided, and probably some hot tea.”
Hochul, asked whether the state would assist by accelerating its own delayed aid package, replied that the state was “exploring all options, several of which were also late.”
The Pension Postponement Initiative, the mayor’s office stressed, is “not a financial maneuver, just a financial mood.”
For more dispatches read further at prat.uk satire and Bohiney Magazine. For a second opinion that is also wrong, see Private Eye.
SOURCE: https://prat.uk/category/satire/
