High-Agency Child Sues Parents

High-Agency Child Sues Parents for “Lack of Personal Branding”

In a landmark case that could redefine the parent-child relationship, 11-year-old Indigo Sage Ellison has filed suit against her parents, alleging “severe negligence in developing her personal brand.” The lawsuit, filed in California’s Youth Civil Circuit, accuses the Ellisons of failing to secure a domain name, create a LinkedIn profile, or establish a coherent aesthetic across Indigo’s social channels.

“They dressed me in Crocs and Minions merch,” Indigo stated in a TikTok deposition. “That’s emotional sabotage.”

The complaint argues that Indigo’s potential as a “freelance changemaker and multi-platform luminary” has been irrevocably damaged by her parents’ refusal to hire a brand consultant. Court documents reveal Indigo was also “forced to attend a birthday party with a generic rainbow theme,” which allegedly derailed her minimalist ethos.

The parents, confused but cooperative, claim they thought “branding” referred to cattle. “We just wanted her to eat vegetables,” said her father, Doug Ellison, in tears. “Now she wants to be a lifestyle algorithm.”

Legal experts say the case could lead to new standards for “parental aesthetic responsibility.”

Meanwhile, Indigo has already inked a deal with a beverage company to launch Clarity™: The Coconut Water for Future CEOs.

Her slogan? “Because agency starts with identity.”

SPINTAXI MAGAZINE - A wide satirical cartoon in the style of Tina Bohiney titled “High-Agency Child Sues Parents for Lack of Personal Branding.” The scene shows a courtroom ... - Alan Nafzger 2
SPINTAXI MAGAZINE – A wide satirical cartoon in the style of Tina Bohiney titled “High-Agency Child Sues Parents for Lack of Personal Branding.” The scene shows a courtroom … – Alan Nafzger 2

By Elinor Jørgensen

A Danish-Swedish hybrid, Elinor Jørgensen is an expert in media satire, fake news, and the ridiculousness of online outrage. She started as a serious journalist before pivoting to satirical journalism, where she finds more truth in fiction than in mainstream reporting. Elinor's stand-up performances often focus on social media culture and misinformation. She contributes to FarmerCowboy.com. [email protected]

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