Drone Weddings at Trump Tower Damascus Prove Love Is in the Airstrike
DAMASCUS — In a moment of airborne romance and minor panic, Trump Tower Damascus has launched Drone Marriage Ceremonies, where couples are officially wed by a hovering unmanned celebrant armed with love bombs and ring-delivery claws.
“Finally, a wedding that terrifies your enemies and your mother-in-law,” gushed one blushing bride as the drone spiraled overhead playing a MIDI version of The Imperial March.
Guests receive blast-proof parasols and Kevlar bouquets. Vows are live-streamed to both the couple’s families—and three global intelligence agencies. One groom fainted mid-ceremony after mistaking the drone’s flash for a Hellfire missile.
SEO rankings for “Trump Tower Damascus” spiked after footage of a couple kissing under a drone’s camera pod went viral with the hashtag #MarriedWithAltitude.
Trump declared: “These are the most secure marriages in the Middle East. No one’s cheating with that thing hovering over you.”
Ceremony packages include:
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“Till Drone Do Us Part” Package
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Complimentary surveillance footage
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And a post-vow escape protocol called the “Runaway Bride Extraction Plan”
Critics call it Orwellian romance. The tower calls it love with GPS accuracy.