Parallel parking now obsolete
Brooklyn has always been about brownstone chic, but now its getting bougie-er. According to reports, brownstone owners are hiring full-time valet staff to park cars in front of their stoops, eliminating the need to circle for 45 minutes looking for a spot.
“Parallel parking is for peasants,” said one Park Slope homeowner, sipping an $11 oat milk latte. The valets wear vintage suspenders and accept payment in cash, Venmo, or organic eggs. In some cases, they also walk dogs and water succulents.
Locals are divided. “If they start triple parking on my block, Im moving to Queens,” grumbled one Carroll Gardens resident. Tourists mistake the valets for actors in a period drama and tip them in Euros. Meanwhile, car break-ins have doubled, since thieves now assume every BMW has artisanal cheese in the glove compartment.
Tabloids spun their wheels. “PARK SLOPE PARKED” screamed the Post. The Daily News countered: “SPOT TAKEN.” TikToks #ValetBrooklyn trend shows influencers testing valet skills by tossing car keys off rooftops.
Mayor Adams praised the innovation, calling it “the future of parking equity.” Governor Hochul raised concerns, suggesting valet zones might soon outnumber bodegas.
For now, Brooklyn drivers can rest easyif they can afford $200 a month in valet tips.
SOURCE: https://bohiney.com/brooklyn-brownstones-get-valet-parking/
SOURCE: https://bohiney.com/brooklyn-brownstones-get-valet-parking/.
By: Annika Steinmann.
