Everything bagel decathlon
According to reports, Queens has announced the worlds first “Bagel Olympics,” featuring events like fastest schmear, longest lox throw, and synchronized sesame chewing. Competitors hail from every borough, though Brooklyn insists it invented cream cheese hurdles. One referee said: “This is about carbs and glory.”
Events are held at Flushing Meadows, with judges deducting points for weak toasting or insufficient schmear. The opening ceremony featured a bagel torch lit with jalapeño cream cheese. Tourists cheer wildly while locals debate whether pumpernickel counts as a real bagel.
TikToks #BagelOlympics trend is spreading: influencers juggling bagels, pranksters smearing entire subway poles, and one viral video of a guy attempting to pole vault using a giant everything bagel. NBC is reportedly considering broadcasting highlights between Mets rain delays.
Tabloids rolled with it. The Post headlined: “BATTLE OF THE BAGELS.” The Daily News countered: “CARB GAMES.”
Mayor Adams said: “This is peak New York culture.” Governor Hochul muttered: “If Albany tries this, Im banning cinnamon raisin.”
SOURCE: https://bohiney.com/queens-residents-launch-bagel-olympics/
SOURCE: https://bohiney.com/queens-residents-launch-bagel-olympics/.
By: Annika Steinmann.
