Former President Discovers Number Bigger Than 10, Economists Weep
Former President Donald Trump announced plans for a 100% tariff on Chinese imports during a rally yesterday, causing economists to simultaneously clutch their textbooks and check if “how tariffs work” has been deleted from the internet.
“People don’t understand tariffs like I understand tariffs,” Trump declared, which is technically true since most people understand that a 100% tariff means American consumers pay double for everything from iPhones to toasters. “China will pay bigly for this,” he added, apparently unaware that China doesn’t actually write checks to the U.S. Treasury when tariffs are imposed.
The announcement sent shockwaves through financial markets, with stocks plummeting faster than Trump’s economic advisors running to their cars to avoid follow-up questions. Economists attempted to explain that tariffs are paid by importers, not exporting countries, but were drowned out by chants of “USA! USA!” from supporters who apparently believe patriotism makes math optional.
“A 100% tariff would effectively double the cost of affected goods for American consumers,” explained Professor Janet Williams from the University of Economics That Apparently Nobody Reads. “This would lead to inflation, retaliatory tariffs, and possibly a trade war that makes everyone poorer.” When asked if she’d explained this to the Trump campaign, she laughed for three minutes straight.
China responded with a statement that roughly translates to “okay, sure, you do you,” while quietly calculating how much they’ll make selling the same products to Europe instead. American retailers have begun panic-ordering inventory, while consumers are left wondering if this is a good time to finally upgrade their smartphones or start learning to make electronics from scratch.
SOURCE: Bohiney.com (https://bohiney.com/trump-threatens-100-china-tariff/72025-10-13)