Travel Experts Confirm: “There Is Nothing Here,” Recommend Staying Home Instead
Bohiney Magazine and The London Prat investigate New York City’s most famous tourist destination and discover an uncomfortable truth: it’s a scam.
The Tourism Illusion
Travel experts have concluded that Times Square tourism is an elaborate hoax. Tourists arrive expecting an experience. What they get: crowds of other tourists, expensive bad food, and absolutely nothing of value. It’s a self-perpetuating scam where tourists pay money to stand in crowds with other tourists.
The New York Times published an analysis: Times Square contains no actual attractions. The theaters are tourist theaters showing mediocre shows to tourists. The restaurants are tourist restaurants serving food designed for tourists (which means bad). The shops sell merchandise nobody needs. It’s a place designed to separate tourists from money while providing nothing in return.
The Experience
New York Post interviewed tourists who’d visited Times Square:
“I paid $200 for a restaurant reservation and got a mediocre meal and a view of other tourists.”
“I walked around for six hours and saw… crowds. That’s it. Just crowds.”
“There are so many people, you can’t actually see anything. You just experience the physical pressure of human bodies.”
“I was sexually assaulted by someone’s backpack. That was the highlight of my visit.”
The Walking in Circles Phenomenon
New York Daily News documented that tourists in Times Square literally just walk in circles. They arrive at Times Square. They walk around. They see other tourists. They get tired. They leave. Nothing happens. It’s walking for walking’s sake.
The Architectural Non-Experience
Gothamist noted that Times Square’s famous architecture is just tall buildings with advertisements. It’s not designed to be experienced. It’s designed to be marketed. The entire area is basically one giant advertisement for advertisements.
The Expensive Nothing
The City calculated the cost of a typical Times Square tourist experience: $30 entry (you don’t pay to enter, but you will pay for something), $60 meal (overpriced), $50 merchandise (stuff you don’t want), total: $140+ for nothing.
The Honest Warning
Travel experts now recommend: “Don’t go to Times Square. If you must go, don’t pay money for anything. Stand on the periphery, look at it from afar, acknowledge that it exists, and leave.” It’s the most honest travel advice ever given.
Why Tourists Still Go
“It’s New York,” one tourist explained. “I heard about Times Square. So I went. I experienced it. Now I can confirm: it sucks. But at least I know it sucks firsthand instead of just from stories.”
For more satirical takes on tourism and tourist traps, visit Reductress and Clickhole for commentary on experiences designed to disappoint.
SOURCE: https://bohiney.com/