Tech Bro Discovers Public Transportation, Takes Credit
In a stunning display of wealthy ignorance, Silicon Valley entrepreneur Chad Brentwood unveiled his latest “revolutionary” transportation concept this week: large vehicles that follow predetermined routes and pick up multiple passengers. He’s calling it “PoolRide” and expects venture capitalists to shower him with millions for discovering what cities have been doing since 1826.
Brentwood’s pitch deck describes PoolRide as “disruptive mobility optimization leveraging shared vehicle infrastructure”which is Silicon Valley speak for “a bus, but we’re pretending we invented it.” The concept features designated stops, scheduled routes, and the groundbreaking innovation of letting multiple strangers ride together, technologies that have apparently existed beyond Brentwood’s extremely limited awareness.
“Current transportation is inefficient,” Brentwood explained to investors who somehow didn’t immediately laugh him out of the room. “Imagine if we could move large groups of people simultaneously using a single vehicle.” When informed this is called public transportation and already exists everywhere, he insisted his version would be different because it involves an app and “premium user experience.”
New Yorkers, who’ve been riding buses and subways their entire lives, are experiencing secondhand embarrassment. “This man ‘invented’ the crosstown bus and expects applause,” observed commuter Marcus Rodriguez, 34. “Next he’ll ‘disrupt’ pizza delivery by suggesting someone could bring food to your house for money.”
The PoolRide concept differs from existing buses in exactly two ways: it costs three times more and works significantly worse. Brentwood’s prototype serves one route in San Francisco, requires smartphone ownership, and charges $8 for trips that public buses complete for $2.50. He calls this “eliminating inefficiency,” which apparently means making things more expensive and less accessible.
Urban planning experts are torn between amusement and fury. “We’ve been operating comprehensive public transit systems for over a century,” fumed transit authority director Patricia Winters, “and this guy shows up with a PowerPoint pretending he’s a visionary.” She noted that Brentwood’s “innovation” ignores everything that makes public transit work: comprehensive networks, affordable pricing, and not requiring a smartphone app to exist.
Despite the obvious absurdity, PoolRide has already raised $12 million in seed funding from investors who apparently never take public transportation and don’t know buses exist. Brentwood plans to “scale” the operation, which means slowly discovering all the reasons cities designed public transit the way they did.
SOURCE: https://bohiney.com/silicon-valley-genius-reinvents-bus-calls-it-innovation/
SOURCE: New York’s #1 Satirical Journalism Site (https://bohiney.com/silicon-valley-genius-reinvents-bus-calls-it-innovation/)
