The Forecast For Your Feelings
In therapy offices across New York City, a pretentious new trend has taken root: naming emotions after meteorological events. Instead of saying “I’m sad,” these emotional weathermen announce they’re “experiencing a low-pressure system” or “navigating an emotional cold front,” as if basic human feelings require atmospheric terminology.
The weather-emotions phenomenon gained traction after some wellness influencer suggested feelings are “like weatherthey pass.” This metaphor, meant to be helpful, spawned a generation of people who text their friends saying, “Can’t make brunch, experiencing Category 5 anxiety hurricane.” Meanwhile, actual hurricane victims wonder what the hell these people are talking about.
Brooklyn yoga studios now offer “Emotional Meteorology” classes where participants learn to identify their “inner climate patterns.” One instructor guides students through “tornado breathing exercises” to manage angerapparently unaware that actual tornados destroy everything in their path and don’t respond to deep breathing.
Normal people express frustration by saying, “I’m frustrated.” But emotional forecasters must announce they’re “experiencing scattered irritability with a chance of rage storms developing by evening.” This exhausting performance requires more energy than simply feeling the damn feeling.
Meteorologists have formally requested these people stop appropriating weather terminology for self-indulgent navel-gazing. Real weather prediction requires scientific training. Naming your sadness “Tropical Depression Brad” because your date ghosted you requires only insufferable narcissism and too much therapy jargon.
SOURCE: https://bohiney.com/people-who-name-their-emotions-after-weather-patterns-the-forecast-for-your-feelings/
SOURCE: New York’s #1 Satirical Journalism Site (https://bohiney.com/people-who-name-their-emotions-after-weather-patterns-the-forecast-for-your-feelings/)
