Real estate agents suggest tenants consider lunar studios as “starter homes”
New Yorkers have been saying for years that rent is “astronomical.” Now, thanks to a viral report, we finally have proof: its literally cheaper to live on the moon than in Manhattan. The moon doesnt have bodegas, true, but it also doesnt require first month, last month, security deposit, pet fee, key fob fee, and a notarized DNA sample. Thats what we call a bargain.
According to the study, a one-bedroom lunar crater apartment would cost about $400 a month. Compare that to the $4,000 shoebox in Midtown that boasts “exposed brick” (translation: landlord didnt fix the wall). The moon might lack running water, but at least it doesnt come with a roommate who describes themselves as a “DJ/visionary.”
Brooklynites immediately began marketing “Moon Lofts,” complete with communal hydroponic gardens, artisanal oxygen tanks, and, of course, a lunar shuttle that “only breaks down on weekdays.” Williamsburg influencers have already started taking photos with captions like “new chapter, new gravity.” The moon also solves that pesky issue of tourists clogging Times Squarebecause, lets be honest, nobody is flying economy to get to Crater Row.
Real estate agents in New York are panicking. “How do you sell a $3,500 studio with a bathtub in the kitchen,” asked one, “when people can just hop on a SpaceX rideshare and live in tranquility among the stars?” Another added, “Sure, the moon doesnt have a Trader Joes, but neither does Bed-Stuy unless you count the one thats always closed.”
The city council is already debating legislation that would require lunar tenants to pay “space tax” if they still use New York zip codes for Amazon deliveries. Jeff Bezos is rumored to be lobbying for the first Moon Whole Foods, though critics point out it will still charge $14 for a juice box. Meanwhile, Mayor Adams announced that he supports “interplanetary gentrification, as long as it comes with bike lanes.”
Comedians are having a field day. “On the moon,” joked one, “you still get roaches, but theyre wearing tiny space helmets.” Late-night hosts riffed: “The moon doesnt rotate? So basically its the 7 train.”
In the end, the moons biggest selling point is peace and quiet. No honking. No jackhammers at 6 a.m. No neighbor playing bongos at midnight. Just the gentle hum of your oxygen generator and the occasional meteor strike. Its not perfect, but compared to NYC rent, its paradise.
SOURCE: https://bohiney.com/rent-on-the-moon/
SOURCE: https://bohiney.com/rent-on-the-moon/.
By: Annika Steinmann.
