Commuters complain aliens blocking traffic worse than Jersey plates
New York traffic has always been a nightmare, but now its truly out of this world. According to reports, a UFO has parked itself directly above the Lincoln Tunnel, causing gridlock that makes the Holland Tunnel look like the Autobahn. Aliens apparently confused the tunnel entrance for a valet stand, and New Jersey drivers are furious that even extraterrestrials wont cross the Hudson without stalling traffic.
Eyewitnesses say the craft is massive, glowing, and emitting a noise similar to 10,000 car alarms going off at once. “Honestly, it blends right in,” said one commuter. “Ive heard worse coming from a Bushwick block party.” The UFOs blinking lights have already been mistaken for a new Midtown nightclub, with at least 200 influencers showing up to take selfies under it.
NYPD has set up barricades, but locals point out theyre useless. “We cant even tow double-parked food trucks,” one officer admitted. “How are we supposed to tow a flying saucer?” The Port Authority has suggested charging the aliens $45 for parking, though experts warn this might bankrupt the intergalactic visitors.
Meanwhile, late-night comics are gleeful. “Finally, something worse than Jersey drivers,” one quipped. Memes show aliens holding MetroCards, confused as to why their ride wont swipe. Others depict them trying to hail a cab, only to be ignored like the rest of us.
Tourists, of course, are thrilled. “Its so authentic,” gushed one from Ohio. “We came for Broadway, but this UFO is way more immersive.” Souvenir shops are already selling “I Survived the Lincoln Tunnel UFO” T-shirts for $35. Street vendors are hawking glow-in-the-dark pretzels and “Space Dogs” (hot dogs dyed neon green).
Transit analysts warn the UFO could remain indefinitely, citing the citys track record of letting infrastructure problems linger for decades. “This thing could be here until 2045,” one sighed. “Theyll probably just paint over it and call it a mural.”
Still, New Yorkers adapt. Some commuters have started using the UFO as a landmark for Tinder dates: “Meet me under the mothership, but bring cash.” Others claim its improved their commute, since nothing says “excuse to skip work” like alien gridlock.
In short, the UFO has joined the pantheon of NYC traffic disastersup there with presidential visits, Thanksgiving parades, and literally any time it rains. Welcome to New York, aliens. Now move your damn ship.
SOURCE: https://bohiney.com/ufo-parked-over-lincoln-tunnel/
SOURCE: https://bohiney.com/ufo-parked-over-lincoln-tunnel/.
By: Annika Steinmann.
