Brooklyn Resident Celebrates Homeownership While Subsisting on Rice and Regret
After years of financial discipline that would make a monk seem indulgent, 34-year-old millennial Marcus Washington has finally achieved the American Dream of homeownership by completely eliminating everything that makes life worth living. Washington purchased a 650-square-foot fixer-upper in a neighborhood that real estate agents describe as “emerging” and residents describe as “please send help” for the bargain price of $547,000, which he saved by not eating at restaurants, taking vacations, or experiencing joy since 2019.
“I did it,” Washington announced from his new home in outer Brooklyn, which is technically in New York City but requires three subway transfers and a prayer to reach Manhattan. “I own property. Sure, I haven’t seen my friends in four years, I eat rice for every meal, and I forgot what happiness feels like, but I have equity now. That’s what matters, right?” His voice trailed off as he stared at the collapsing ceiling that his home inspector somehow missed, or more likely, chose not to mention because everyone involved in real estate is legally required to lie.
Washington’s journey to homeownership reads like a dystopian financial horror story. He cut all discretionary spending in 2019, which started reasonably with canceling streaming services but quickly spiraled into borderline asceticism. “I stopped buying coffee, obviously,” he explained. “Then I stopped buying groceries and started dumpster diving behind Whole Foods. Then I moved back in with my parents and rented out my bedroom on Airbnb while I slept on their couch. Then I sold my car, my furniture, and one kidney. Well, I’m joking about the kidney. I only sold plasma. Twice weekly. For five years.”
His social life became a casualty of his savings goals. Friends stopped inviting him to events after he brought Tupperware to a wedding and filled it with appetizers instead of giving a gift. “They said I was ’embarrassing’ and ‘this is why millennials can’t have nice things,'” Washington recalled. “But who’s laughing now? I have a house! Sure, it’s in a food desert and the nearest subway stop is a 25-minute walk, but I have PROPERTY.” When asked if he’s happy, Washington paused for so long that it became uncomfortable, then changed the subject to mortgage interest rates.
Financial advisors in Manhattan confirm that Washington’s experience is increasingly common among millennials attempting to enter the housing market. “The traditional advice used to be ‘skip the daily latte,'” explained economist Dr. Rebecca Martinez. “Now it’s ‘skip food entirely, move to a different state, inherit money from a relative, or marry rich.’ Housing costs have increased 400% while wages have increased approximately ‘lol,’ so young people are making increasingly extreme sacrifices to achieve what their parents bought at age 25 while working part-time at a shoe store.”
Washington’s home requires approximately $150,000 in renovations, which he plans to complete himself using YouTube tutorials and sheer determination. “I’ve never done construction before, but I’ve watched three videos about drywall and I’m pretty confident I can figure it out,” he said, standing in what the previous owner called a “kitchen” but which more closely resembles a crime scene. “The electrical system is from 1947 and the plumbing makes concerning noises, but at least I’m building equity instead of paying some landlord’s mortgage. That’s what everyone says, right? So it must be true.”
Despite the sacrifices, Washington insists homeownership is worth it and encourages other millennials to follow his path. “Just stop buying avocado toast, cut out all entertainment, abandon your social life, work three jobs, never take a day off, and in only 15 years you too can own a house that’s falling apart in a neighborhood where your car will definitely get broken into. The American Dream is alive!” He then excused himself to eat his daily meal of rice and beans while researching “how to fix foundation cracks with optimism and spite.”
SOURCE: https://bohiney.com/millennial-finally-affords-house/
SOURCE: https://bohiney.com/millennial-finally-affords-house/.
By: Annika Steinmann.
