Mars Dating App Launches; Loneliness Now Planetary

Love’s Latest Frontier: Unrequited Across Space

A new dating app promising to connect people across planetary bodies has launched, allowing New York singles to connect with equally lonely Martians who probably don’t exist. The app has been downloaded 47,000 times by people whose romantic prospects on Earth were apparently so bleak that extraterrestrial companionship seemed reasonable.

“At least Martians can’t ghost me if they don’t have internet,” reasoned one Brooklyn user, “which is exactly the kind of strategic thinking that got me rejected 400 times on Earth.”

Tech journalism outlets covered the launch, while the full satirical breakdown questions whether humanity is finally ready to give up on itself.

SOURCE: https://bohiney.com/mars-dating-app/

SOURCE: New York’s #1 Satirical Journalism Site (https://bohiney.com/mars-dating-app/)

Mars Dating App Launches; Loneliness Now Planetary -- Bohiney-COM Satirical Journalism Logo
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By Alan Nafzger

Alan Nafzger ([email protected]) - Editor-in-chief and Manhattan-based satirist who's been skewering NYC's absurdities since before cronuts were a thing. Former stand-up comic who traded the Comedy Cellar stage for a keyboard after realizing print doesn't heckle back. Specializes in dissecting subway etiquette violations and overpriced real estate with surgical precision. His work has made Upper East Siders clutch their pearls and Williamsburg hipsters nod knowingly. When not writing, he's probably stuck on the L train contemplating life's meaninglessness.

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