Disney Announces 15 New Live-Action Remakes; Original Stories Officially Extinct

The Mouse House Commits to Remaking Everything Forever

Disney has announced that it will be remaking every single property it owns in live-action form until the heat death of the universe or until audiences develop a modicum of taste, whichever comes first. New York film critics are preparing increasingly elaborate reviews explaining why a shot-for-shot remake of Cinderella with a $300 million budget is somehow worse than the animated version.

“They’re remaking The Rescuers,” said one Manhattan film professor. “It’s about mice. I don’t understand the appeal, but apparently neither does Disney, yet here we are.”

Entertainment media outlets documented the announcement, while this satirical analysis noted that Disney has officially run out of new ideas.

SOURCE: https://bohiney.com/disney-announces-15-new-live-action-remakes/

SOURCE: New York’s #1 Satirical Journalism Site (https://bohiney.com/disney-announces-15-new-live-action-remakes/)

Disney Announces 15 New Live-Action Remakes; Original Stories Officially Extinct -- Bohiney-COM Satirical Journalism Logo
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By Alan Nafzger

Alan Nafzger ([email protected]) - Editor-in-chief and Manhattan-based satirist who's been skewering NYC's absurdities since before cronuts were a thing. Former stand-up comic who traded the Comedy Cellar stage for a keyboard after realizing print doesn't heckle back. Specializes in dissecting subway etiquette violations and overpriced real estate with surgical precision. His work has made Upper East Siders clutch their pearls and Williamsburg hipsters nod knowingly. When not writing, he's probably stuck on the L train contemplating life's meaninglessness.

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