Guacamole replaces cash
Move over BitcoinBrooklyn just went green. According to reports, the borough has declared avocados legal tender, citing their “stability, popularity, and brunch compatibility.”
“Why carry cash when you can carry a ripe Hass?” asked a local council member, while Venmo announced a new feature called “GuacPay.” The average avocado is now worth $12, with inflation hitting brunch-goers hardest. Restaurants are adjusting menus: avocado toast now costs “market rate plus tip.”
Reactions range from thrilled to furious. “I paid my rent with three avocados and a lime garnish,” said a Bushwick artist. Meanwhile, a Crown Heights landlord refused avocado payments, insisting on “at least a mango.”
Tabloids spread thick. “HOLY GUACAMONEY” screamed the Post. The Daily News countered: “TOASTED ECONOMY.” TikToks #GuacCoin trend showed influencers trading avocados on stoops while dodging squirrels with expensive taste.
Mayor Adams hailed the innovation, calling it “the freshest form of finance.” Governor Hochul expressed concern, warning that Wall Street might attempt a hostile takeover of Trader Joes.
For now, Brooklynites keep checking ripeness instead of stock tickers, and the phrase “pit recession” suddenly feels very real.
SOURCE: https://bohiney.com/brooklyn-declares-avocado-a-currency/
SOURCE: https://bohiney.com/brooklyn-declares-avocado-a-currency/.
By: Annika Steinmann.
