NYCs Billionaire Boys Club Finally Decides to Retire Their Rockets
In a shocking turn of events that has Wall Street interns spitting out their $19 lattes, the so-called “Billionaire Space Race” has officially ended. The titans of excessBezos, Musk, and that guy from your SoHo coworking space who swears his crypto is “just temporarily down”have decided that blasting themselves into orbit isnt nearly as exciting as surviving rush hour on the Staten Island Ferry.
New Yorkers have long suspected that the only real final frontier is not Mars but Penn Station at 5 p.m., and it seems the billionaires finally got the memo. According to reports, the moguls agreed to redirect their space budgets into something far scarier: luxury condos in the Bronx “with river views” (of the Major Deegan).
Musk was quoted saying, “Why colonize Mars when you can colonize Williamsburg with $7,500 studio apartments?” Meanwhile, Bezos admitted that after riding the E train from Queens to Manhattan, he realized zero gravity was nothing compared to holding your breath between Roosevelt Avenue and Lexington.
The shift has sparked speculation in the city that the “space bros” will now compete in more relevant NYC-themed challenges, such as: who can secure a dinner reservation at Carbone without selling a kidney, or who can navigate Citi Bike without being clotheslined by an Uber driver. Rumor has it Richard Branson is training for the ultimate dare: walking through Times Square without being handed a flyer for a comedy club.
New York satirists are hailing this as the dawn of a new era where billionaires finally understand the urban universe the rest of us live in. Forget shooting rocketstry finding parking in the East Village on a Friday night.
SOURCE: https://bohiney.com/billionaire-space-race-ends/
SOURCE: https://bohiney.com/billionaire-space-race-ends/.
By: Annika Steinmann.
