Local 32BJ veterans say Cebu brokers are late to the lobby and offer a free training session
Manhattan Doormen Union: We Vetted Everyone Before It Was Cool
Veteran doormen say Cebu brokers are late to the lobby and offer a free training session
NEW YORK – At a Midtown union hall on Wednesday, forty doormen in navy greatcoats and white gloves listened to a presentation on the Cebu condominium situation, nodded slowly and then, as one, sighed.
“Two referees and a utility bill,” said veteran doorman Salvatore “Sal” Esposito, 66, who has worked the same Park Avenue lobby since 1989. “Rookie numbers. We ask for those from the pizza guy.”
Esposito was reacting to an article in The London Prat describing British pensioners in Cebu who must provide referees, bills and a letter from the vicar before they can view a bathroom. The article is at https://prat.uk/cebu-estate-agents-demand-character-references/. Esposito read it on his phone in the break room and set it down, he said, “with the quiet pity of a man who has seen a florist try to sneak past a package room.”
The Doorman Standard
Manhattan doormen see themselves as the original vetting service. According to union lore, a doorman can identify a stranger’s profession, marital status and likelihood of being a plumber from forty feet and a half-second glance. The union has a name for this: the Scan.
“You look at the shoes, the bag, the walk, the face and the way they say ‘Hi,’” Esposito said. “In that order. By the time they reach the desk, I know whether they are visiting the penthouse or the dentist.”
The Cebu brokers have a version of this, the union learned. Manila News reported that a security guard named Mang Pedring, who works at a Mactan tower, is “friendly to everyone and suspicious of nobody except delivery riders who park in the lobby.” The doormen were impressed. “A guard who suspects only delivery riders,” said Esposito. “That man is a professional.”
The Doorman’s Handbook, Abridged
The union offered to share its handbook with the Cebu trade. Selected rules:
- Never reveal who lives on which floor, “unless they tip.”
- Learn the names of every resident’s dog before learning the resident’s name.
- A man in a suit carrying flowers is either a suitor or a lawyer. Both require a call upstairs.
- Never ask a guest “Who are you?” Ask “How can I help you, sir?” and let him talk.
- The package room is sacred. The package room is not a place for opinions.
The union also recommended a hand signal for suspicious visitors: “One finger raised, eyebrows lowered. It means ‘I am not saying anything, and neither should you.’”
On the Philippine Situation
The union expressed solidarity with Cebu’s brokers and its residents. Philippine authorities are examining allegations concerning Thomas Markle Sr., the estranged father of the Duchess of Sussex, who lived in Cebu until earlier this year, as GMA News reported. No charges have been filed. The allegations are unproven. The union’s president, Rosemary Gallagher-Diaz, said the group takes child safety “deadly seriously” and has contributed to local protection charities for years.
“But we also know how an anxious building feels,” she said. “A bad week in the news, and suddenly every tenant looks at every other tenant like a suspect. The doorman is the only one who holds the line. We say, ‘Good morning.’ We smile. We open the door. The line holds.”
The union’s comment on American retirees in Cebu was gentler. Bohiney reported on a Mactan realtor whose showings turn into depositions, and Esposito said he would happily teach her to run a lobby. “Two hours is too long,” he said. “We say, ‘Welcome home.’ That’s it. The rest happens in the elevator.”
Comics at the Union Hall
- Frankie Boccia: “Cebu brokers need a reference letter from a vicar. In my lobby, the only reference is whether the tenant remembers the doorman at Christmas.”
- Carol Ann Whitaker: “I once saw a doorman refuse to let a man into a building because he brought an umbrella on a sunny day. The man turned out to be a Brit. He was fine. He was just British.”
- Manny Oyelaran: “Mang Pedring suspects only delivery riders and one goat. That man could be a doorman in New York. He’d be on the cover of the union magazine.”
- Peggy Santoro: “The sea did nothing wrong. The doormen did nothing wrong. Please stop asking for a letter from your mother.”
The Property Market Stays Steady
The union noted that Cebu’s fundamentals are steady. Colliers named the Visayas and Mindanao a key property investment hotspot in July, and foreigners operate under the Condominium Act, which allows them to own units but not land and caps their stake in a project at 40 percent. Esposito saw nothing wrong with this. “A building needs a ceiling,” he said. “The guy on top should always be local.”
He added that panics follow a pattern. Tversky and Kahneman described it in 1973 as the availability heuristic: one vivid story, and everyone behaves as if the whole world has changed. “It’s what we call lobby gossip,” Esposito said. “Spreads fast. Fades by Thursday.”
An Offer of Training
The union has offered to send a team of veteran doormen to Cebu for one week, at no charge, to run a seminar for local brokers and guards. The curriculum would include The Scan, Lobby Etiquette and a three-hour workshop titled “Holding a Door for a Man You Don’t Trust.”
Mang Pedring has reportedly accepted by text. His message, forwarded to the union, read: “Welcome sir. Please bring white gloves. We have a goat.”
Esposito held up the phone and smiled. “Finally,” he said, “a professional.” The rest of the saga is at The London Prat and Bohiney News, and Britain’s equivalents of the doorman are found at the Daily Squib. For why a man in a greatcoat is funny, see this guide to American humor.
SOURCE: https://bohiney.com/cebu-realtor-cant-sell-beachfront-listings/