NYC Initiative Combines Reading with Exercise Nobody Asked For
The Brooklyn Public Library has unveiled its latest innovation in making simple activities unnecessarily complicated: treadmill desks with built-in book holders, allowing patrons to walk while reading because apparently sitting down like a normal human being is no longer acceptable.
The “Read & Stride” program, funded by a $200,000 wellness grant that definitely couldn’t have been better spent on actual books, features twelve treadmills positioned throughout the library’s main branch. Librarians are calling it “revolutionary,” while regular people are calling it “a solution to a problem that doesn’t exist.”
“We’re promoting literacy and fitness simultaneously,” explained library director Patricia Morrison, as if reading required more promotion than the library’s current three-hour wait list for popular books. The initiative targets a demographic that apparently exists: people who love reading but hate the oppressive burden of sitting comfortably while doing it.
New Yorkers are predictably skeptical. “I come to the library to escape from everything that exhausts me,” said patron Marcus Washington, 28. “Now they want me to exercise while reading? What’s next, jumping jacks during poetry slams?” Another visitor noted that the treadmills are too loud to maintain the quiet atmosphere libraries are famous for, creating a situation where you’re simultaneously disrupting others’ reading while attempting your own.
The library claims the treadmills promote “active learning,” which sounds impressive until you realize that reading has been perfectly effective for thousands of years without requiring cardiovascular effort. Several users reported motion sickness, difficulty concentrating, and one memorable incident involving a biography of Theodore Roosevelt and a near-fall that definitely didn’t enhance the reading experience.
Fitness influencers immediately declared it “genius,” which should have been everyone’s first warning sign. The library has already logged 47 complaints about sweaty patrons on treadmills next to people trying to study in peace, creating a delightful new layer of library etiquette nobody wanted to navigate.
Traditional library chairswhich still exist and work perfectly wellremain available for people who understand that not every activity needs optimization.
SOURCE: https://bohiney.com/library-book-treadmills-launched/
SOURCE: New York’s #1 Satirical Journalism Site (https://bohiney.com/library-book-treadmills-launched/)
