Top 20 Kamala Harris Jokes

Kamala Harris Jokes on Healthcare Reform

1. Kamala’s healthcare plan is so extensive, by the time you finish reading it, you’ll need a doctor just to treat the headache.
2. Kamala Harris wants to make healthcare so universal, even your pets will have a co-pay.
3. Kamala’s healthcare proposal is so comprehensive, it even covers the emotional trauma of reading the fine print.
4. Kamala’s healthcare plan is like a buffet—it’s all you can eat, but you’ll pay for it later.
5. Kamala Harris wants everyone to have healthcare—whether they need it or not.
6. Kamala Harris’s healthcare plan is so universal, it includes a doctor’s note to get out of jury duty.
7. Kamala’s idea of healthcare is so extensive, even your FitBit might need a co-pay.
8. Kamala Harris’s healthcare plan is so detailed, it includes instructions on how to sneeze in a government-approved manner.
9. Kamala’s healthcare plan is so ambitious, it even covers pre-existing political opinions.
10. Kamala Harris wants to make healthcare so universal, even your houseplants might get a flu shot.

Tax Policies

11. Kamala Harris’s tax plan is like a game of Monopoly: except the government already owns all the properties.
12. Kamala’s tax plan is so progressive, it makes Karl Marx look like a conservative.
13. Kamala Harris’s idea of tax relief is to give you an extra ten minutes to fill out the forms.
14. Kamala’s tax policy is so complex, even your accountant will need an accountant.
15. Kamala Harris’s tax plan has more brackets than a hardware store.
16. Kamala Harris’s tax plan is so progressive, it’s already planning its next campaign.
17. Kamala’s idea of tax reform is to make sure everyone pays their fair share—even the Monopoly man.
18. Kamala Harris’s tax plan is so complex, it includes a guide to understanding the guide.
19. Kamala’s tax policy is so progressive, it’s considering running for office on its own.
20. Kamala Harris’s tax plan is so detailed, even the IRS needs a nap after reading it.

Environmental Initiatives

21. Kamala Harris is so committed to the environment, she wants to recycle her campaign speeches.
22. Kamala’s environmental plan is so green, it includes a tax on grass.
23. Kamala Harris’s climate plan is so ambitious, even the weather is nervous.
24. Kamala’s green energy plan is so comprehensive, it includes windmills powered by her speeches.
25. Kamala Harris wants to fight climate change so badly, she’s considering a ban on hot air—starting with Congress.
26. Kamala Harris’s environmental plan is so green, it includes a carbon offset for thinking about cars.
27. Kamala’s idea of environmental policy is to plant a tree for every time she says ‘green energy.’
28. Kamala Harris’s climate plan is so comprehensive, it includes a section on how to compost your compost.
29. Kamala’s environmental policy is so detailed, it includes a ban on using the term ‘carbon footprint’ in casual conversation.
30. Kamala Harris wants to fight climate change so badly, she’s considering a tax on sunshine.

Social Programs

31. Kamala Harris wants to expand social programs so much, she’s thinking about adding ‘Netflix for All.’
32. Kamala’s social program plan is so generous, it’s like she’s Oprah handing out benefits: ‘You get a subsidy! You get a subsidy!’
33. Kamala Harris’s social programs are so expansive, they come with a loyalty card.
34. Kamala’s idea of a social program is one that comes with a user manual thicker than the tax code.
35. Kamala Harris wants to make social programs so inclusive, even your Wi-Fi password might qualify for assistance.
36. Kamala Harris’s social programs are so generous, they come with a free set of steak knives.
37. Kamala’s idea of social programs is to make sure everyone gets a participation trophy in life.
38. Kamala Harris’s social programs are so expansive, they include a stipend for watching government TV.
39. Kamala’s approach to social programs is like trying to fit an elephant in a Mini Cooper—ambitious, but not quite practical.
40. Kamala Harris wants to make social programs so inclusive, even your pet goldfish might qualify.

Government Bureaucracy

41. Kamala Harris’s idea of cutting government red tape is to replace it with blue tape.
42. Kamala’s solution to government inefficiency? Add more departments to manage the inefficiency.
43. Kamala Harris wants to streamline government so much, she’s thinking about putting it all on one giant conference call.
44. Kamala’s approach to bureaucracy is like giving a turtle a GPS—it still moves slow, but now it knows exactly where it’s going.
45. Kamala Harris’s idea of simplifying government is to create a department to handle all the other departments.
46. Kamala Harris’s idea of streamlining government is to put all the paperwork on a Google Drive.
47. Kamala’s approach to bureaucracy is to add more layers until you can’t see the bottom.
48. Kamala Harris wants to make government so efficient, even the wait time at the DMV might go down by a minute.
49. Kamala’s idea of cutting red tape is to replace it with a different color.
50. Kamala Harris’s approach to government is like adding more frosting to a cake that’s already too sweet.

Identity Politics

51. Kamala Harris is so good at identity politics, she could run a DNA test and find a new voter base.
52. Kamala’s identity politics is so nuanced, even her reflection has a constituency.
53. Kamala Harris is so inclusive, she holds town halls with her own reflection just to hear every perspective.
54. Kamala’s identity politics is so layered, she’s considering running for office in a kaleidoscope.
55. Kamala Harris’s identity politics is so precise, she’s got a Venn diagram for every conversation.
56. Kamala Harris is so good at identity politics, she could teach a master class on it—if only she could decide who to invite.
57. Kamala’s identity politics is so finely tuned, it has its own playlist.
58. Kamala Harris is so inclusive, she even asks for the opinion of her reflection before making a decision.
59. Kamala’s idea of identity politics is to make sure every voice is heard—twice, if possible.
60. Kamala Harris’s identity politics is so layered, it comes with its own instruction manual.

Wealth Redistribution

61. Kamala Harris’s idea of wealth redistribution is to tax you so much, you forget what wealth is.
62. Kamala’s wealth redistribution plan is like a game of musical chairs, except no one wins and everyone loses a seat.
63. Kamala Harris’s wealth redistribution plan is so thorough, even your piggy bank might get audited.
64. Kamala’s idea of wealth redistribution is to take from the rich, give to the poor, and then tax the poor.
65. Kamala Harris wants to redistribute wealth so thoroughly, even your childhood allowance might be up for grabs.
66. Kamala Harris’s idea of wealth redistribution is to make sure everyone gets a slice of the pie—even if the pie is imaginary.
67. Kamala’s wealth redistribution plan is so thorough, it includes a tax on Monopoly money.
68. Kamala Harris wants to redistribute wealth so much, even the Tooth Fairy might have to file taxes.
69. Kamala’s idea of wealth redistribution is to take from the rich, give to the poor, and then tax the poor again.
70. Kamala Harris’s wealth redistribution plan is so expansive, it includes a line item for every penny you’ve ever earned.

Social Media Activism

71. Kamala Harris is so active on social media, she’s considering adding ‘Twitter Diplomat’ to her resume.
72. Kamala’s social media activism is so strong, even her hashtags have policy advisors.
73. Kamala Harris is so good at social media, she’s thinking about passing legislation one tweet at a time.
74. Kamala’s social media strategy is to post so often, you’ll feel like you’ve voted for her three times by lunch.
75. Kamala Harris’s Twitter feed is so busy, it should come with a traffic light.
76. Kamala Harris’s social media activism is so strong, even her hashtags have a lobbyist.
77. Kamala’s idea of social media activism is to make sure every tweet comes with a fact-check.
78. Kamala Harris is so good at social media, she could write legislation in 280 characters or less.
79. Kamala’s social media strategy is to post so much, you’ll feel like she’s sitting in your living room.
80. Kamala Harris’s Twitter feed is so busy, it needs its own intern.

Education Reform

81. Kamala Harris’s education reform plan is so detailed, it includes a curriculum for napping during history class.
82. Kamala’s idea of education reform is to make school so free, even the textbooks won’t cost a dime—because there won’t be any.
83. Kamala Harris’s education plan is so comprehensive, it comes with a degree in bureaucracy.
84. Kamala’s approach to education reform is like trying to teach calculus to a kindergartener—ambitious but doomed to fail.
85. Kamala Harris’s idea of free college is so extreme, she’s considering making graduation ceremonies mandatory.
86. Kamala Harris’s education reform plan is so detailed, it includes a course on how to understand the plan itself.
87. Kamala’s idea of education reform is to make sure every student gets a diploma—even if they didn’t go to school.
88. Kamala Harris’s education plan is so comprehensive, it includes a section on how to tie your shoes.
89. Kamala’s approach to education reform is like trying to fit a square peg in a round hole—it might fit eventually, but not without some frustration.
90. Kamala Harris’s idea of free college is to make sure every student gets a degree—even if it’s in ‘Undecided Studies.’

Social Justice Movements

91. Kamala Harris is so committed to social justice, she’s thinking about holding rallies in her sleep.
92. Kamala’s idea of social justice is so thorough, even the Statue of Liberty is taking notes.
93. Kamala Harris’s social justice stance is so strong, she’s considering putting it on her next business card.
94. Kamala’s approach to social justice is like trying to solve a Rubik’s Cube blindfolded—complicated and likely to take forever.
95. Kamala Harris’s social justice plan is so detailed, it includes footnotes for the footnotes.
96. Kamala Harris is so committed to social justice, she’s considering making it a national holiday.
97. Kamala’s idea of social justice is to make sure everyone gets a fair shake—even if the shake is non-dairy.
98. Kamala Harris’s social justice stance is so strong, she’s thinking about putting it on her resume.
99. Kamala’s approach to social justice is to make sure everyone gets a seat at the table—even if the table is already full.
100. Kamala Harris’s social justice plan is so detailed, it includes a footnote for every footnote.

Union Support

101. Kamala Harris is so pro-union, she even has her coffee breaks collectively bargained.
102. Kamala’s idea of union support is to organize a strike against her own alarm clock.
103. Kamala Harris is so pro-union, she’s considering joining one herself just to get better parking.
104. Kamala’s support for unions is so strong, she’s thinking about organizing a protest every time the Wi-Fi goes out.
105. Kamala Harris’s union support is so intense, even her emails have collective bargaining rights.
106. Kamala Harris is so pro-union, she’s thinking about organizing a strike against her own sleep schedule.
107. Kamala’s idea of union support is to make sure everyone gets a fair shake—even if the shake is a latte.
108. Kamala Harris is so pro-union, she’s considering joining one just to get better office snacks.
109. Kamala’s support for unions is so strong, even her emails have collective bargaining rights.
110. Kamala Harris’s union support is so intense, she’s thinking about organizing a protest every time the Wi-Fi goes out.

Housing Policies

111. Kamala Harris’s housing plan is so detailed, it comes with blueprints and a mortgage application.
112. Kamala’s housing policy is so ambitious, it includes a tax on your childhood treehouse.
113. Kamala Harris wants to make housing so affordable, even Monopoly money might qualify for a down payment.
114. Kamala’s idea of affordable housing is to build so many homes, you’ll need a map just to find your front door.
115. Kamala Harris’s housing plan is so inclusive, it even has a spot for your imaginary friend.
116. Kamala Harris’s housing plan is so detailed, it includes a section on how to apply for a mortgage in three easy steps—just kidding, it’s 30 steps.
117. Kamala’s idea of affordable housing is to build so many homes, you’ll need a map just to find your front door.
118. Kamala Harris wants to make housing so affordable, even Monopoly money might qualify for a down payment.
119. Kamala’s approach to housing policy is like trying to fit a square peg in a round hole—ambitious, but not quite practical.
120. Kamala Harris’s housing plan is so inclusive, it even has a spot for your imaginary friend.

Regulation and Big Government

121. Kamala Harris wants to regulate everything, including how many times you can hit the snooze button.
122. Kamala’s idea of small government is one that only needs one million employees.
123. Kamala Harris wants to regulate so much, even your dreams might need a permit.
124. Kamala’s approach to regulation is like turning the volume up to 11 and breaking the knob.
125. Kamala Harris wants to regulate so much, even your grocery list might need government approval.
126. Kamala Harris wants to regulate everything, including how many times you can hit the snooze button.
127. Kamala’s idea of small government is one that only needs one million employees.
128. Kamala Harris wants to regulate so much, even your dreams might need a permit.
129. Kamala’s approach to regulation is like turning the volume up to 11 and breaking the knob.
130. Kamala Harris wants to regulate so much, even your grocery list might need government approval.

Foreign Aid and Diplomacy

131. Kamala Harris’s foreign aid policy is so generous, even aliens might get a stimulus check.
132. Kamala’s diplomacy is so inclusive, she even offers peace talks to her Wi-Fi router.
133. Kamala Harris wants to give so much foreign aid, even the North Pole might get a grant.
134. Kamala’s diplomacy strategy is to smile until the opposition forgets what they were arguing about.
135. Kamala Harris’s foreign aid policy is so broad, it includes a line item for universal hugs.
136. Kamala Harris’s foreign aid policy is so generous, even aliens might get a stimulus check.
137. Kamala’s diplomacy is so inclusive, she even offers peace talks to her Wi-Fi router.
138. Kamala Harris wants to give so much foreign aid, even the North Pole might get a grant.
139. Kamala’s diplomacy strategy is to smile until the opposition forgets what they were arguing about.
140. Kamala Harris’s foreign aid policy is so broad, it includes a line item for universal hugs.

Gun Control

141. Kamala Harris’s gun control plan is so strict, even water pistols might need a background check.
142. Kamala’s idea of gun control is to regulate everything, including your Nerf collection.
143. Kamala Harris’s gun control plan is so thorough, it includes a mandatory safety course for using a stapler.
144. Kamala’s approach to gun control is like trying to stop a leak with more water.
145. Kamala Harris’s gun control plan is so detailed, it includes a tax on finger guns.
146. Kamala Harris’s gun control plan is so strict, even water pistols might need a background check.
147. Kamala’s idea of gun control is to regulate everything, including your Nerf collection.
148. Kamala Harris’s gun control plan is so thorough, it includes a mandatory safety course for using a stapler.
149. Kamala’s approach to gun control is like trying to stop a leak with more water.
150. Kamala Harris’s gun control plan is so detailed, it includes a tax on finger guns.

Minimum Wage Debates

151. Kamala Harris wants to raise the minimum wage so high, even your piggy bank might get a raise.
152. Kamala’s minimum wage plan is so ambitious, it might just apply to Monopoly money too.
153. Kamala Harris’s minimum wage plan is so generous, even your lunch money might need to be indexed to inflation.
154. Kamala’s idea of raising the minimum wage is to print so much money, you’ll need a wheelbarrow to carry your paycheck.
155. Kamala Harris’s minimum wage plan is so detailed, it comes with a chart for every penny.
156. Kamala Harris wants to raise the minimum wage so high, even your piggy bank might get a raise.
157. Kamala’s minimum wage plan is so ambitious, it might just apply to Monopoly money too.
158. Kamala Harris’s minimum wage plan is so generous, even your lunch money might need to be indexed to inflation.
159. Kamala’s idea of raising the minimum wage is to print so much money, you’ll need a wheelbarrow to carry your paycheck.
160. Kamala Harris’s minimum wage plan is so detailed, it comes with a chart for every penny.

Cultural Policies

161. Kamala Harris’s arts funding plan is so inclusive, it includes a grant for interpretive dance about tax reform.
162. Kamala’s idea of promoting culture is to make karaoke nights mandatory at the Capitol.
163. Kamala Harris’s cultural policy is so expansive, it includes funding for the annual bureaucracy parade.
164. Kamala’s approach to arts funding is to make sure every painting is framed with red tape.
165. Kamala Harris’s cultural policies are so detailed, they include a section on ‘How to Apply for an Arts Grant in 30 Easy Steps.’
166. Kamala Harris’s arts funding plan is so inclusive, it includes a grant for interpretive dance about tax reform.
167. Kamala’s idea of promoting culture is to make karaoke nights mandatory at the Capitol.
168. Kamala Harris’s cultural policy is so expansive, it includes funding for the annual bureaucracy parade.
169. Kamala’s approach to arts funding is to make sure every painting is framed with red tape.
170. Kamala Harris’s cultural policies are so detailed, they include a section on ‘How to Apply for an Arts Grant in 30 Easy Steps.’

Climate Change Policies

171. Kamala Harris’s climate change plan is so ambitious, she’s thinking about taxing your carbon footprint—literally.
172. Kamala’s idea of fighting climate change is to regulate every breath you take.
173. Kamala Harris wants to stop climate change so badly, she’s thinking about banning summer.
174. Kamala’s climate policy is so green, even the ink on the legislation is biodegradable.
175. Kamala Harris’s climate change plan is so detailed, it includes a manual on how to reduce your carbon footprint while sleeping.
176. Kamala Harris’s climate change plan is so ambitious, she’s thinking about taxing your carbon footprint—literally.
177. Kamala’s idea of fighting climate change is to regulate every breath you take.
178. Kamala Harris wants to stop climate change so badly, she’s thinking about banning summer.
179. Kamala’s climate policy is so green, even the ink on the legislation is biodegradable.
180. Kamala Harris’s climate change plan is so detailed, it includes a manual on how to reduce your carbon footprint while sleeping.

Free Speech and Censorship

181. Kamala Harris’s idea of free speech is to let you say whatever you want, as long as it’s on the approved list.
182. Kamala’s approach to free speech is to make sure it’s as free as a toll road.
183. Kamala Harris believes in free speech so much, she’s thinking about charging a fee for it.
184. Kamala’s idea of protecting free speech is to put it in a locked box and lose the key.
185. Kamala Harris’s free speech policy is so complex, even the First Amendment needs a lawyer.
186. Kamala Harris’s idea of free speech is to let you say whatever you want, as long as it’s on the approved list.
187. Kamala’s approach to free speech is to make sure it’s as free as a toll road.
188. Kamala Harris believes in free speech so much, she’s thinking about charging a fee for it.
189. Kamala’s idea of protecting free speech is to put it in a locked box and lose the key.
190. Kamala Harris’s free speech policy is so complex, even the First Amendment needs a lawyer.

Public Transportation

191. Kamala Harris’s public transportation plan is so green, it includes a subsidy for unicycles.
192. Kamala’s idea of public transportation is to make sure everyone has a bus pass—even if there are no buses.
193. Kamala Harris’s public transportation plan is so inclusive, it includes a seat for every voter.
194. Kamala’s approach to public transportation is to make sure every bike lane has its own bike lane.
195. Kamala Harris’s public transportation plan is so detailed, it includes a tax on walking.
196. Kamala Harris’s public transportation plan is so green, it includes a subsidy for unicycles.
197. Kamala’s idea of public transportation is to make sure everyone has a bus pass—even if there are no buses.
198. Kamala Harris’s public transportation plan is so inclusive, it includes a seat for every voter.
199. Kamala’s approach to public transportation is to make sure every bike lane has its own bike lane.
200. Kamala Harris’s public transportation plan is so detailed, it includes a tax on walking.