Law Proposes Classifying Electric Scooters as “Assault Vehicles”
Declaring War on Two Wheels (and One Loud Whine)
After one too many near-misses and shin-bruises, Councilmember Rosa Mendez has introduced the “Personal Mobility Device Reclassification Act.” The bill seeks to legally reclassify privately-owned electric scooters not as “vehicles” or “toys,” but as “Assault Vehicles on Pedestrian Thoroughfares.” The legislation cites their “silent, sudden approach,” “reckless weaving,” and “potential to cause grievous bodily harm to ankles and grocery bags.” Under the proposed law, riding a scooter on a sidewalk would be a misdemeanor, punishable by confiscation of the device and mandatory attendance at a “Spatial Awareness & Empathy” workshop. DOT’s micromobility page currently encourages safe riding in bike lanes, but Mendez’s bill takes a more… aggressive stance, framing the conflict as nothing short of pedestrian existential defense.
The Legal Arsenal
The bill’s language is deliberately martial. It describes scooter riders as “operators,” sidewalks as “civilian zones,” and establishes “no-scooter corridors” around schools and senior centers. Enforcement would be aided by a new “Scooter Strike Force” within the NYPD, equipped with nets and GPS-jamming technology. The most controversial clause allows pedestrians to use “reasonable force” (defined as a loud shout or a swung tote bag) to deter an approaching scooter. Rental companies are lobbying fiercely against it, arguing they promote green transit. Mendez counters: “A green transit option that turns my walk to the bodega into a game of Frogger is not a solution; it’s a terror.” NYPD’s existing scooter rules are rarely enforced; this bill would make enforcement a civic duty.
The Cultural Divide: Riders vs. Walkers
The bill has cleaved the city into two camps. The Riders: delivery workers, tech bros, and anyone running late, who see scooters as efficient, eco-friendly saviors. The Walkers: literally everyone else, who see them as the physical manifestation of impatience and disregard. Public hearings have been theatrical. Riders testify about the importance of “last-mile solutions.” Walkers show up with X-rays of broken toes. The debate is a proxy for larger urban tensions: speed vs. safety, individual convenience vs. collective space, the future vs. the simple, ancient act of putting one foot in front of the other without being buzzed by a lithium-ion menace.
The Likely Outcome: Regulated Détente
The “Assault Vehicle” classification won’t survive legal challenge, but the anger behind the bill is real and will force action. The likely compromise is a significant expansion of dedicated, protected bike/scooter lanes, coupled with truly draconian fines for sidewalk riding. The city will invest in painting clear, bright lanes and in a public awareness campaign with the slogan “Scooters Belong in Their Lane. Period.” The bill’s legacy won’t be a new weaponized classification, but a new recognition that the sidewalk is sacred ground, the last refuge of the unmotorized human. And if a few scooter riders have to attend an empathy workshop as part of the peace treaty, Councilmember Mendez will consider that a victory for ankles everywhere.