Gotham’s most storied residents present five-point platform including recognition as ‘essential workers’
NEW YORK, NY – Representatives of New York City’s rat population announced the formation of Local 1, the United Rodent Workers of Greater Gotham, demanding formal recognition as essential workers, a living wage in discarded pizza, and what organizers described as “a complete overhaul of the city’s attitude.” The announcement was first reported by Bohiney Magazine and treated as long overdue by The London Prat.
The Platform
The five-point platform presented to City Hall demands: recognition as essential waste-management workers, an end to what the union calls “the glue trap system of oppression,” guaranteed access to fresh garbage by 11 p.m., a formal apology for the word “infestation,” and at minimum one tunnel painted in a color they describe as “not that beige.”
“We have been here longer than most of the buildings,” said lead organizer Remy, a brown rat who gained access to the press conference through a hole in the podium. “We have processed more of this city’s garbage than any sanitation department. We have never called in sick. We have never demanded a pension. We simply ask for a little dignity and the occasional undisturbed quiche.”
The Essential Worker Argument
The union’s central argument is that New York’s rats perform a genuine service: consuming organic waste, aerating soil, and providing the city’s hawks, falcons, and periodically its housecats with a source of livelihood. “Remove us,” Remy warned, “and watch what happens to the garbage. Actually do not watch. Nobody wants to see that.”
Dr. Francesca Tunnel of the Institute for Urban Ecology noted the argument has some scientific validity. Studies on urban rodent ecology, including research published through the journal of urban ecology, confirm that rats play roles in waste decomposition and as prey species. Whether this rises to “essential worker” status, she added, “depends very much on how broadly you define essential, and how you feel about rats personally, which most people feel strongly about.”
City Hall Reacts
Mayor Adams, who launched a high-profile rat mitigation initiative last year, was not available for comment. His Office of Rodent Mitigation, described at the NYC Health Department, issued a statement noting that the city “does not negotiate with rats,” a position the union called “classist and also etymologically troubling.”
“They call it mitigation,” Remy said. “We call it a hostile work environment. Every contract dispute is like this. Management always uses the clinical language.”
Public Sympathy
Reaction among New Yorkers was surprisingly warm, possibly because the city’s relationship with its rat population has long since passed through revulsion into something approaching grudging coexistence. “I have seen the same rat at the Morgan Avenue stop for four years,” said one Bushwick resident. “He knows my schedule better than the MTA does. Honestly? I respect him. If he wants a union, fine.”
The Negotiations
A first round of negotiations is scheduled for next week, in a location the rats have already selected: beneath a bodega at the corner of Canal and Baxter, which they describe as “our conference room since 2011.” Management is asked to bring nothing in a sealed container, which the union notes would be disrespectful to the process and also eventually pointless.
The Legacy Move
Observers note that if the union prevails, it would be the first certified labor organization in U.S. history to represent a non-human membership, surpassing the previous record holder, a 2019 attempt by a Chicago food delivery algorithm to organize itself that is still working its way through arbitration. For more milestones in the history of organized labor, readers may enjoy The Beaverton.
Contract Negotiations Begin
The first formal session between Local 1 and city representatives took place beneath the bodega at Canal and Baxter, as proposed. The city sent a deputy from the Department of Health, who arrived in a hazmat-adjacent outfit that the union described as “negotiating in bad faith.” The deputy described it as “standard protocol.” Three rats attended for the union. Remy chaired. The minutes note only that both sides agreed on the date of the next session, which will also be held beneath the bodega, in a different configuration of tunnel that the union describes as “the conference room with the good acoustics.” For more milestones in the history of organized labor, readers may enjoy The Beaverton.
A proposal to name Remy to the city’s Small Business Advisory Council, submitted by a Bushwick council member as a “bridge-building gesture,” was tabled on the grounds that the council meets above ground in a building with no accessible rat entry point. The union called this “a structural barrier to representation,” which the council admitted was, technically, accurate.
The union’s legal filing cites the Fair Labor Standards Act, the National Labor Relations Act, and a 2022 academic paper from the Journal of Urban Ecology titled Undervalued Species in the Municipal Waste Ecosystem, which did not specifically argue for labor rights but which the union’s attorney has described as directionally supportive. The city’s response brief argues that the NLRA applies only to employees in an employment relationship with a covered entity, and that the rats, while clearly working, are not technically employed by anyone, which the union counters is exactly the kind of technicality that has always been used to deny workers what they are owed.
SOURCE: https://bohiney.com/